Épisode 800 dollars plus les frais S06E20 - Malcolm in the Middle Saison 6

Script VO Brut

* By www.tvsubtitles.net *

1
00:00:33,090 --> 00:00:34,517
Two kids down, three to go.

2
00:00:35,308 --> 00:00:39,339
Malcolm in the Middle - 6.20 - Stilts
Synchronisation par Ravez & Tyno,
Forom.com, Life-is-Unfair.tk & Malcolm-France.com

3
00:00:41,319 --> 00:00:44,241
So, there I was innocently
paying the bills,

4
00:00:44,304 --> 00:00:47,920
when I was suddenly slapped
in the face by a charge for $45.

5
00:00:48,038 --> 00:00:52,036
It took me almost an hour to
sniff out your little rathole
behind the refrigerator.

6
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,822
Would you care
to explain these?

7
00:00:55,527 --> 00:00:56,661
Hal, I'm sorry.

8
00:00:56,739 --> 00:00:58,811
Lois, we are poor!

9
00:00:59,245 --> 00:01:01,140
I thought we had
an understanding.

10
00:01:01,218 --> 00:01:03,015
I know. You're right, Hal.

11
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:08,039
I just saw them in the store. And
they're not real Christian Louboutins.
They're just a cheap knockoff.

12
00:01:08,419 --> 00:01:10,758
I just wanted to try them
on, just for a second.

13
00:01:11,344 --> 00:01:14,765
Then I saw them in the
mirror, and they looked
so elegant and glamorous,

14
00:01:15,085 --> 00:01:18,369
and I guess I just wanted for
once in my life to see what
it would feel like to be...

15
00:01:18,866 --> 00:01:19,393
pretty.

16
00:01:21,246 --> 00:01:24,527
Oh, please, I invented that act!

17
00:01:25,770 --> 00:01:29,081
Everyone says they'll economize, but
I'm the only one rinsing out baggies.

18
00:01:29,098 --> 00:01:33,800
I'm the only one splitting two-ply
toilet paper. I'm the only one
snacking out of birdfeeders!

19
00:01:34,605 --> 00:01:35,724
Look at this!

20
00:01:35,758 --> 00:01:39,072
$18 for a three-minute...

21
00:01:39,578 --> 00:01:40,146
What the...?!

22
00:01:47,057 --> 00:01:49,852
Welcome to the
Hot Fantasy Sex Line.

23
00:01:50,255 --> 00:01:52,073
-What's your name, baby?
-This is...

24
00:01:52,967 --> 00:01:54,628
Are you aware kids
call these numbers?!

25
00:01:54,687 --> 00:01:55,859
Put some clothes on!

26
00:02:00,899 --> 00:02:03,755
Yeah, baby,
would you like that?

27
00:02:05,569 --> 00:02:08,564
Oh, you just love not
responding, don't you?

28
00:02:08,823 --> 00:02:10,367
You're such a bad boy.

29
00:02:10,829 --> 00:02:14,679
Well, big spender, I can keep
going as long as you can.

30
00:02:17,909 --> 00:02:20,943
And that slapshot you took
totally turned the game around!

31
00:02:20,988 --> 00:02:23,714
Well, I wasn't aiming right for his
mouth, but sometimes you get lucky.

32
00:02:23,722 --> 00:02:25,335
You guys are not gonna
believe what happened!

33
00:02:25,610 --> 00:02:28,444
I was at the college, checking out
the trees over by the sorority houses,

34
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,167
and then this guy comes up to
me and asks if I wanted a job!

35
00:02:32,446 --> 00:02:34,263
Experimental drug testing?

36
00:02:34,576 --> 00:02:37,017
He must've thought I was in college
because of my binoculars and everything.

37
00:02:37,342 --> 00:02:38,090
Can you believe it?

38
00:02:38,353 --> 00:02:40,426
They pay people
just to take pills!

39
00:02:40,799 --> 00:02:42,189
Why is anyone doing
anything else?

40
00:02:42,276 --> 00:02:44,681
Reese, this is the kind of job
they give to guys on death row.

41
00:02:44,756 --> 00:02:46,534
Yeah, and I'm totally
skipping that part.

42
00:02:49,404 --> 00:02:51,085
Jamie, get out of
here. I have to...

43
00:02:57,695 --> 00:02:59,885
Francis, I am not going
to ask you again!

44
00:03:00,066 --> 00:03:02,000
You tell me where you
hid my pearl necklace!

45
00:03:02,102 --> 00:03:03,313
Somewhere you'll never find it!

46
00:03:03,615 --> 00:03:07,102
I have a hiding place so perfect,
you could look for a hundred
years and it won't matter!

47
00:03:07,472 --> 00:03:09,265
Your earrings, your
necklace, your bracelet,

48
00:03:09,345 --> 00:03:13,952
all your meaningless
material possessions you
hold so dear, gone forever!

49
00:03:14,108 --> 00:03:17,079
Now I can go to military school
knowing you're as miserable as I am,

50
00:03:17,317 --> 00:03:19,408
'cause you'll never
find it! Ever!

51
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:25,744
The stash.

52
00:03:26,433 --> 00:03:27,322
Jamie, where did you...?

53
00:03:27,324 --> 00:03:29,071
The stash?!
What about the stash?

54
00:03:29,091 --> 00:03:30,642
I didn't say anything
about the stash.

55
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:33,736
I think I heard you very
clearly say "the stash."

56
00:03:34,002 --> 00:03:36,562
We don't talk about the stash
unless we found the stash.

57
00:03:36,582 --> 00:03:38,136
I didn't find the stash!

58
00:03:38,149 --> 00:03:41,105
Okay, but I suggest you
remember our deal.

59
00:03:41,477 --> 00:03:45,190
If any of us does find it,
we split Mom's reward three ways.

60
00:03:45,347 --> 00:03:47,965
Because we're brothers
and we love each other.

61
00:03:53,738 --> 00:03:55,360
Malcolm, come on!
We're going to be late!

62
00:03:55,410 --> 00:03:56,507
All right, all
right, I'm coming.

63
00:03:58,231 --> 00:03:59,152
Why aren't you
wearing your smock?

64
00:03:59,230 --> 00:04:00,696
Because the longer
I don't put it on,

65
00:04:00,834 --> 00:04:03,805
the longer I can pretend
I don't work in that soul
killing fluorescent tomb.

66
00:04:04,168 --> 00:04:05,588
As shocking as it
may sound to you,

67
00:04:05,738 --> 00:04:10,602
I don't actually like stocking wart
cream and telling 80-year-olds
which diapers leak the least.

68
00:04:12,283 --> 00:04:15,215
"Thank you, Mother, for getting
me a job so I don't have
to be a bum on the street."

69
00:04:15,635 --> 00:04:16,300
"You're welcome."

70
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:19,283
"Can I open the door for you, after
everything you've sacrificed for me?"

71
00:04:19,486 --> 00:04:20,960
"Why, that's very
thoughtful of you."

72
00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:24,959
You really got to stop
being such a snob. There's
pride in doing anything well.

73
00:04:25,489 --> 00:04:29,875
I'd rather you were the best
toilet scrubber in the world than
a slapdash Supreme Court justice.

74
00:04:30,115 --> 00:04:31,895
And how about showing me
a little bit gratitude?

75
00:04:31,915 --> 00:04:34,260
There's nothing embarrassing
about working at Lucky Aide.

76
00:04:37,351 --> 00:04:38,778
Listen to your mother.

77
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She's a beautiful, foxy lady.

78
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,594
Okay, everything looks great.

79
00:04:48,851 --> 00:04:52,447
You're young. You're in excellent health.
You're a perfect candidate for this study.

80
00:04:52,769 --> 00:04:57,069
Now, one last question:
are you taking any other medications?

81
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:58,387
Of course not.

82
00:04:59,884 --> 00:05:00,659
Of course not.

83
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,010
Of course not.

84
00:05:04,622 --> 00:05:05,754
Of course not.

85
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:07,922
Of course not.

86
00:05:09,803 --> 00:05:11,077
Billing. Can I help you?

87
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:15,328
Yes! I've just spent the last half
hour trying to explain to you people!

88
00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:19,849
You cannot charge me $800 for
a phone call I never agreed to!

89
00:05:20,064 --> 00:05:22,390
This is wrong and unethical!

90
00:05:22,482 --> 00:05:23,739
You're absolutely right, sir.

91
00:05:24,144 --> 00:05:25,727
We're bad.

92
00:05:26,143 --> 00:05:26,364
What?

93
00:05:26,398 --> 00:05:29,122
We've been very bad.
We need to be punished.

94
00:05:29,273 --> 00:05:30,433
What would you
like to do to us?

95
00:05:30,533 --> 00:05:31,998
I don't want to
do anything to you!

96
00:05:32,096 --> 00:05:35,094
Whatever you want, big boy.
You're the one paying for this call.

97
00:05:37,187 --> 00:05:38,189
Malcolm!

98
00:05:38,633 --> 00:05:39,239
Malcolm!

99
00:05:39,821 --> 00:05:40,712
Did you hear the news?

100
00:05:41,114 --> 00:05:43,046
They fired Sam the stilt guy!

101
00:05:43,364 --> 00:05:46,178
Word is he puked into the
sunroof of the boss's El Dorado.

102
00:05:46,237 --> 00:05:48,076
This is bad, Malcolm, really bad.

103
00:05:48,204 --> 00:05:50,655
Bad? He's been coming to
work drunk for 20 years.

104
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I meant bad for me.

105
00:05:52,593 --> 00:05:54,015
This means they're
paying attention!

106
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,629
Sam was my canary.

107
00:05:55,787 --> 00:05:58,065
Now my work has to
speak for itself!

108
00:05:58,298 --> 00:06:00,272
Don't say I never
listen to you, Malcolm.

109
00:06:00,786 --> 00:06:02,518
I had to lobby hard for you, but...

110
00:06:03,068 --> 00:06:04,592
you're replacing Sam.

111
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It's 30 cents an hour more;
you get to work outside and
wave to all your friends.

112
00:06:12,717 --> 00:06:13,894
This is so sweet.

113
00:06:14,154 --> 00:06:15,813
I'm gonna make 2,500 bucks,

114
00:06:15,864 --> 00:06:17,979
and all I gotta do is
swallow 300 pills a day

115
00:06:18,079 --> 00:06:20,203
and sneak Jamie's urine into
a cup once in a while.

116
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:25,204
Calonil, Frageset. Suppository.

117
00:06:25,716 --> 00:06:26,653
These taste the worst.

118
00:06:33,574 --> 00:06:38,519
Okay, Jamie, can you help your
favorite brother find the stash?

119
00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:42,430
Remember this, the necklace?

120
00:06:42,759 --> 00:06:45,137
You know what I'm talking
about, don't you?

121
00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:47,335
Do you know what
I'm talking about?

122
00:06:48,701 --> 00:06:50,929
Oh, my God!
Where did you...?!

123
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:54,695
Can you show Dewey
where you found this?

124
00:06:55,184 --> 00:06:56,313
Sure, you can.

125
00:06:56,918 --> 00:07:00,280
You show me where you found this,
and we can write our ticket with Mom.

126
00:07:00,734 --> 00:07:04,249
We cut Malcolm and Reese out.
It's just you and me.

127
00:07:08,089 --> 00:07:09,226
Is it in the bathroom?

128
00:07:11,810 --> 00:07:14,077
Mom's underwear drawer?
Of course!

129
00:07:14,328 --> 00:07:16,029
She'd never think of
looking for it there.

130
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:18,562
There's probably a false
bottom or something.

131
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:20,053
What are you doing?!

132
00:07:25,555 --> 00:07:27,001
God, look at the dump
this guy lives in.

133
00:07:29,312 --> 00:07:30,810
It's not bad enough
I have to take his job.

134
00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:32,424
Now I have to take his
stilts from him, too?

135
00:07:32,465 --> 00:07:36,180
Those stilts are company property, and
it's our responsibility to get them back.

136
00:07:36,416 --> 00:07:37,410
It's nothing personal.

137
00:07:38,638 --> 00:07:40,025
Cough up the stilts, alkie!

138
00:07:40,137 --> 00:07:41,630
No, no! Please don't do this to me.

139
00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:42,753
I love my job!

140
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:44,461
Malcolm, you gotta help me!

141
00:07:44,746 --> 00:07:47,052
Sam, I'm sorry. I feel
really terrible about this.

142
00:07:47,253 --> 00:07:49,969
Don't drag this out, Malcolm.
You got to crush him like a bug.

143
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,427
It's kinder that way.

144
00:07:51,752 --> 00:07:54,215
You're a ghost, old man.
No one can hear you.

145
00:07:54,512 --> 00:07:55,508
Malcolm, please!

146
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,000
Just tell them you won't do it.

147
00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:58,194
Then they'll have no choice.

148
00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,572
They'll have to take me back!

149
00:07:59,958 --> 00:08:01,463
Please, I'm begging you.

150
00:08:02,169 --> 00:08:03,225
I'm Uncle Sam!

151
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:07,138
Please! I have nothing else!
No family, no friends!

152
00:08:07,427 --> 00:08:08,404
This is my life!

153
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:09,770
Please!

154
00:08:10,411 --> 00:08:12,600
You want me to kiss your
ass and call it ice cream?

155
00:08:13,406 --> 00:08:15,145
I'll do it! I'll do it!

156
00:08:16,227 --> 00:08:19,055
It's ice cream!
That's delicious ice cream!

157
00:08:19,594 --> 00:08:23,288
You know who has delicious ice cream?
That gas station down on Cedar.

158
00:08:23,510 --> 00:08:26,109
Smells a little funky, but mm-mm-mm.

159
00:08:27,443 --> 00:08:28,225
Malcolm, please!

160
00:08:29,398 --> 00:08:29,886
Please!

161
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,969
Sam, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

162
00:08:32,026 --> 00:08:34,544
No, no! No, no! Please!

163
00:08:35,209 --> 00:08:37,809
Okay, grab the suit and
we'll get out of Sam's hair.

164
00:08:37,943 --> 00:08:38,572
Please!

165
00:08:39,126 --> 00:08:40,100
Sorry, Sam.

166
00:08:40,226 --> 00:08:40,811
Please!

167
00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:42,228
Sorry.

168
00:08:42,473 --> 00:08:43,402
No, Malcolm!

169
00:08:44,404 --> 00:08:45,574
Sam, I'm sorry.

170
00:08:47,674 --> 00:08:48,319
Please!

171
00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:52,173
-I'm really, really, really sorry.
-Please! Please!

172
00:08:52,955 --> 00:08:53,715
Please!

173
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:54,681
I'm sorry.

174
00:08:55,287 --> 00:08:56,004
Please!

175
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,449
I'm really sorry.

176
00:08:57,884 --> 00:08:58,510
Please!

177
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,969
Give me liberty or give me death...

178
00:09:03,472 --> 00:09:06,053
to cockroaches, fleas and ticks.

179
00:09:06,223 --> 00:09:08,646
Lucky Aide Bug Bombs only $2.49.

180
00:09:09,542 --> 00:09:12,005
Two years ago, I was thrown out of
the locker room completely naked.

181
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:15,314
Compared to now, that was a
moment of pride and quiet dignity.

182
00:09:15,942 --> 00:09:17,642
Fourscore and seven

183
00:09:18,211 --> 00:09:20,693
stool softeners for the price of six.

184
00:09:20,929 --> 00:09:21,731
How you doing, honey?

185
00:09:22,188 --> 00:09:25,691
The manager says he hasn't
heard you announce the Lucky
Leader specials all morning.

186
00:09:26,397 --> 00:09:27,888
No one cares about the special, Mom.

187
00:09:27,913 --> 00:09:30,902
All right, if you want me to get up on
a ladder and do it with you...

188
00:09:31,882 --> 00:09:36,137
It's a grand old sale
It's a high-flying sale

189
00:09:36,153 --> 00:09:39,254
On an exciting personal
hygiene product that's new.

190
00:09:39,256 --> 00:09:41,468
See? It's fun when
you get into it.

191
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:46,903
If your jock has a rash
And you want to save cash

192
00:09:47,038 --> 00:09:50,719
There's a star-spangled
ointment for you.

193
00:09:53,616 --> 00:09:57,114
Crap. I'd kill myself, except they'd
run that picture in the paper.

194
00:09:57,210 --> 00:09:58,480
Sorry I'm late, big guy!

195
00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:03,582
Hey! Where's the stopper
for your pee hose?

196
00:10:09,027 --> 00:10:11,118
Hey, man, you don't look so good.

197
00:10:11,696 --> 00:10:13,611
You want to try some of
these experimental drugs?

198
00:10:13,937 --> 00:10:14,658
What's all this stuff?

199
00:10:14,986 --> 00:10:17,195
I'm supposed to chart my
progress in these journals.

200
00:10:17,374 --> 00:10:20,249
You know, blackouts,
hallucinations, routine stuff.

201
00:10:21,113 --> 00:10:22,188
You're lactating?

202
00:10:22,261 --> 00:10:23,048
Not all the time.

203
00:10:23,653 --> 00:10:25,686
Usually, it just comes out
in little sticky bubbles.

204
00:10:26,605 --> 00:10:28,520
Hey, would you fill out
a few of these for me?

205
00:10:29,044 --> 00:10:30,815
My hand isn't writing down
what I tell it to anymore.

206
00:10:31,201 --> 00:10:32,706
I have to go shave my feet again.

207
00:10:34,606 --> 00:10:37,884
Jamie, where did you go?
You were supposed to let me follow you!

208
00:10:38,358 --> 00:10:40,254
I just turned my back for a second.

209
00:10:43,008 --> 00:10:44,083
How did you do that?!

210
00:10:44,848 --> 00:10:46,079
Jamie, come on!

211
00:10:46,332 --> 00:10:48,718
Do you have any idea how
much this means to me?

212
00:10:51,481 --> 00:10:52,439
Okay, what do you want?

213
00:10:57,843 --> 00:11:00,247
Okay, I'll get you the pony.

214
00:11:00,817 --> 00:11:03,449
But, first, you have to
show me the stash.

215
00:11:05,943 --> 00:11:07,545
Fine. Pony first.

216
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:10,926
Oh, Dewey.

217
00:11:11,193 --> 00:11:12,285
I need your help.

218
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:15,950
You're always skulking around,
listening in on everyone's conversations.

219
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:20,087
Do you have any dirt on your mom?
I need something really big and awful.

220
00:11:20,405 --> 00:11:21,328
I did something bad,

221
00:11:21,509 --> 00:11:23,623
so I have to find something
that she did bad,

222
00:11:23,795 --> 00:11:26,487
then I can confess what I did, and
it won't seem like such a big deal.

223
00:11:26,723 --> 00:11:28,971
Sorry, Dad, but I don't
just stash away information...

224
00:11:29,001 --> 00:11:30,662
Stash? You found the stash?

225
00:11:30,879 --> 00:11:32,669
You and me partners.
We cut everyone else out.

226
00:11:32,675 --> 00:11:34,711
No! No! I didn't find the stash!

227
00:11:35,877 --> 00:11:38,152
Okay, okay. Are you sure
she's not having an affair?

228
00:11:38,384 --> 00:11:39,426
Because that would be perfect.

229
00:11:39,703 --> 00:11:41,235
Sorry, Dad. I think she loves you.

230
00:11:41,329 --> 00:11:41,616
Damn!

231
00:11:42,296 --> 00:11:44,131
If I can't do the "You
did bad, I did bad" thing,

232
00:11:44,132 --> 00:11:47,148
then I gotta do the "I did bad, you'll
get a big, expensive present" thing.

233
00:11:48,059 --> 00:11:51,494
Never get married, Dewey. If you want
kids, get your eggs from the state.

234
00:11:57,498 --> 00:12:00,012
Mom, what are you doing?
I was in the middle of a game!

235
00:12:00,192 --> 00:12:04,064
Do you want to explain why
I found circled want ads
sticking out of your backpack?!

236
00:12:04,096 --> 00:12:05,668
-Yes, I do.
-I'm not interested!

237
00:12:06,113 --> 00:12:07,656
You are not finding another job!

238
00:12:07,876 --> 00:12:08,306
Huh?

239
00:12:08,541 --> 00:12:09,008
No! I...

240
00:12:09,009 --> 00:12:12,638
You are not getting a job away from
my constant supervision, and that's it.

241
00:12:12,843 --> 00:12:15,427
I'm not going to risk your future by
giving you even a second of freedom!

242
00:12:15,428 --> 00:12:17,280
This family has too much invested in you.

243
00:12:18,808 --> 00:12:19,629
Oh, cheer up.

244
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:22,756
Once I find a proper wife for you,
you'll have your precious space.

245
00:12:25,192 --> 00:12:29,651
Hi. Yes. Do you have a pair
of Christian Louboutins red
open-toed sling-backs, size 8½?

246
00:12:29,795 --> 00:12:31,301
Not the knockoffs, the real thing.

247
00:12:32,879 --> 00:12:33,364
You do?!

248
00:12:33,788 --> 00:12:34,134
Good!

249
00:12:34,958 --> 00:12:39,473
Now, I'm in a situation where money
is no object, but how much...?

250
00:12:47,194 --> 00:12:50,067
Would you put a pair
aside for me, please?

251
00:12:53,151 --> 00:12:56,766
Right. Yes. They will
make a nice surprise.

252
00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:58,916
Hello?

253
00:13:00,372 --> 00:13:00,926
Reese?

254
00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,890
Francis, you gotta help me.

255
00:13:03,728 --> 00:13:05,878
I don't want to take drugs anymore.

256
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:07,679
Oh, geez.

257
00:13:08,156 --> 00:13:12,182
Okay, Reese, I want you to
tell me very specifically what
kind of drugs did you take?

258
00:13:13,007 --> 00:13:14,186
All of them.

259
00:13:14,495 --> 00:13:18,062
Dude, didn't you learn anything
from when my friends baby-sat you?

260
00:13:18,114 --> 00:13:20,232
Remember Richie trying to dry
you off in the oven?

261
00:13:20,284 --> 00:13:23,976
I don't know how it happened,
but I think I did something bad.

262
00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:27,038
I don't know what to do.

263
00:13:27,451 --> 00:13:29,421
Reese, I want you to
listen very carefully.

264
00:13:29,605 --> 00:13:32,122
You're going to be okay.
I'm gonna talk you through this.

265
00:13:32,341 --> 00:13:34,326
Now, the first and
most important thing

266
00:13:34,329 --> 00:13:35,699
you have to do is...

267
00:13:46,953 --> 00:13:48,900
Okay, Jamie, I need you to focus.

268
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:50,002
You got your toy.

269
00:13:50,147 --> 00:13:52,238
Now take me to the stash.

270
00:14:09,965 --> 00:14:10,445
Here?

271
00:14:10,471 --> 00:14:11,489
Do we have to dig for it?

272
00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:19,640
Jamie, come back!

273
00:14:19,936 --> 00:14:21,949
You can't just go into
someone else's house!

274
00:14:27,089 --> 00:14:28,183
Get back here!

275
00:14:28,633 --> 00:14:31,174
Come on, Jamie! Hurry!
Before someone sees you!

276
00:14:33,019 --> 00:14:35,228
I'm not kidding.
You're going to get caught!

277
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:37,365
See? That's the ringleader!

278
00:14:37,992 --> 00:14:40,005
They've been stealing stuff
from my house all week!

279
00:14:40,391 --> 00:14:43,380
Every two years, they have
another baby just so they
can fit through the window!

280
00:14:47,849 --> 00:14:50,550
Hal? What are you doing here?
Is everything all right?

281
00:14:50,692 --> 00:14:52,304
Not yet, but it will be...

282
00:14:52,639 --> 00:14:55,042
as soon as you put these on.

283
00:14:56,966 --> 00:14:58,787
Are you crazy?

284
00:14:59,056 --> 00:15:02,046
If loving your wife is crazy,
then I'm a drooling lunatic.

285
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,954
You deserve the moon
and the sky, Lois.

286
00:15:05,464 --> 00:15:07,985
Maybe someday I'll be able
to buy them for you, but for now,

287
00:15:08,993 --> 00:15:10,192
these will have to do.

288
00:15:10,694 --> 00:15:12,469
Oh, Hal.

289
00:15:13,498 --> 00:15:14,671
Thank you.

290
00:15:15,538 --> 00:15:17,961
I accidentally spent
$800 on phone sex.

291
00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:27,809
I was doing my makeup in the rear view
mirror, and I ran over your golf clubs.

292
00:15:31,950 --> 00:15:34,418
I burned a hole in
your favorite dress.

293
00:15:37,154 --> 00:15:40,594
You didn't get that promotion
because I called your boss
a fat-ass at the Christmas party.

294
00:15:43,014 --> 00:15:48,290
I lost my wedding ring three years ago.
This is part of a lawnmower.

295
00:15:50,608 --> 00:15:54,632
Your Aunt Lucy isn't angry with you.
She's dead. I just forgot to tell you.

296
00:15:56,848 --> 00:16:00,893
I've read that the Chinese invented stils
so they could survive among Panda bears.

297
00:16:01,099 --> 00:16:03,126
Of course, that was before
they built the Great Wall.

298
00:16:03,264 --> 00:16:06,041
After that, only the Emperor
was allowed to walk on them.

299
00:16:10,835 --> 00:16:12,838
Well, I had to do it
behind Mom's back,

300
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:15,593
but I was going through the
want ads, and I finally found...

301
00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:21,757
That explains the 15-foot high
cloud of bourbon I was smelling.

302
00:16:22,976 --> 00:16:25,146
You stole my life!

303
00:16:25,214 --> 00:16:27,201
Sam, great! I-I was
just about to call...

304
00:16:32,748 --> 00:16:35,230
Oh, my God! Don't worry, Malcolm.

305
00:16:35,366 --> 00:16:36,813
I'll help you!

306
00:16:41,102 --> 00:16:42,763
Sam, you've got to listen to me!

307
00:17:03,358 --> 00:17:04,784
Hang on!

308
00:17:17,927 --> 00:17:18,494
Damn it!

309
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,327
What aisle are the screwdrivers in?

310
00:17:39,904 --> 00:17:41,767
Wich batteries are the double A?

311
00:17:41,918 --> 00:17:44,179
The little ones,
or the really little ones?

312
00:17:51,715 --> 00:17:53,122
Sam, please listen...

313
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:00,615
I'm never gonna shake this guy.

314
00:18:00,675 --> 00:18:01,576
He's way too good.

315
00:18:01,807 --> 00:18:03,101
I can't outstilt him.

316
00:18:07,069 --> 00:18:09,473
I can't outstilt him,
but I can outskate him.

317
00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:25,915
Okay, your brother got the funeral
he wanted. Now let's get our $15 back.

318
00:18:31,631 --> 00:18:33,755
Once again, brains triumph over...

319
00:18:53,615 --> 00:18:55,764
This hurts so much
worse than it looks.

320
00:19:04,281 --> 00:19:06,900
You're a Yankee Doodle dead man.

321
00:19:11,052 --> 00:19:13,807
The weird thing is, I always
knew I'll died this way.

322
00:19:14,615 --> 00:19:16,780
Okay, God, you've had your fun.

323
00:19:17,076 --> 00:19:20,893
Please, I'll settle for the
lamest, most pathetic miracle
you've got lying around.

324
00:19:21,117 --> 00:19:21,580
Just...

325
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,990
Well, I purposely dropped that
bowling ball on your foot

326
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,254
so you couldn't go to
your high school reunion!

327
00:19:37,501 --> 00:19:40,628
I'm two years older
than you think I am!

328
00:19:41,185 --> 00:19:44,881
Damn it, Hal, we're to point
here I don't think either
one of us wants to get to!

329
00:19:44,885 --> 00:19:45,885
What are we supposed to do?!

330
00:19:45,975 --> 00:19:47,860
I've just got so
much rage built up...

331
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,782
Are these your boys?

332
00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:53,348
You little monsters!

333
00:19:53,687 --> 00:19:56,887
How dare you get into trouble again?!
After all your mother does for you!

334
00:19:56,892 --> 00:20:00,637
Your father slaves away to
put a roof over your head,
and this is how you repay him?!

335
00:20:00,682 --> 00:20:02,558
Okay, everybody,
let's just calm down...

336
00:20:02,571 --> 00:20:04,851
Why don't you mind
your own business?

337
00:20:05,105 --> 00:20:08,609
We don't need you coming
in here and telling us how
to handle our children.

338
00:20:08,744 --> 00:20:11,168
We know what we're doing.
Thank you very much.

339
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,928
Mom, Dad, the drugs
are weared off.

340
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,077
Sundance, baby, is that you?

341
00:20:29,393 --> 00:20:30,468
Will you listen to me?!

342
00:20:31,121 --> 00:20:32,196
I found you a job!

343
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:33,017
What?

344
00:20:33,138 --> 00:20:35,719
I found you a job!
I've been trying to tell you.

345
00:20:36,065 --> 00:20:37,004
It's perfect for you!

346
00:20:38,063 --> 00:20:39,939
It's at the circus!

347
00:20:41,842 --> 00:20:42,995
The circus?

348
00:20:44,107 --> 00:20:49,603
In what world do you depreciate
an elephant over two years?!

349
00:20:49,986 --> 00:20:51,703
I want this all redone tonight!

350
00:20:53,296 --> 00:20:55,803
What are you looking at?
Get back to work!

351
00:20:57,448 --> 00:20:59,344
That is fantastic son!

352
00:20:59,684 --> 00:21:01,801
Reese's roommate in
detox is a lawyer.

353
00:21:01,895 --> 00:21:04,647
He thinks he can blackmail him
into defending his felony case!

354
00:21:04,689 --> 00:21:05,951
That's great.

355
00:21:06,739 --> 00:21:08,916
Hey, the feeling is back.

356
00:21:09,131 --> 00:21:12,942
Apparently, the medical term
for what happened to me is
"Holy crap, come look at this".

357
00:21:13,085 --> 00:21:14,883
because that's all
the ER guys kept saying.

358
00:21:15,543 --> 00:21:17,380
But if I ever have to give
birth, it'll be really easy.

359
00:21:17,889 --> 00:21:19,663
And Mom seems to be
in a good mood lately.

360
00:21:19,765 --> 00:21:21,558
The toilet's backed up again!

361
00:21:21,621 --> 00:21:22,235
I'll get it.