Lois découvre lors d'une visite chez le médecin qu'elle a la mononucléose, puis la transmet à Malcolm. En conséquence, tout les deux sont obligés de passer 24h ensemble dans la même pièce. 
Script VO Brut
* By www.tvsubtitles.net *
1
00:00:06,676 --> 00:00:07,423
Damn it!
2
00:00:20,633 --> 00:00:21,366
Damn it!
3
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:28,815
Malcolm in the Middle
7.13 - "Mono"
4
00:00:33,815 --> 00:00:39,815
Synchronisation par Tyno,
Script original par Raceman.
5
00:00:44,815 --> 00:00:50,815
Forom.com, Life-is-Unfair.tk
& Malcolm-France.com
6
00:00:56,789 --> 00:01:00,069
I have never been so angry.
7
00:01:01,411 --> 00:01:05,539
If you boys are gonna act like dogs,
I'm gonna treat you like dogs.
8
00:01:05,869 --> 00:01:07,364
This is so awesome.
9
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,133
Mom and Dad just got
back from the doctor's,
10
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,609
and it turns out she has mono.
11
00:01:10,841 --> 00:01:13,002
She's been ordered to stay
in bed for two weeks.
12
00:01:13,248 --> 00:01:15,160
After all those years
of stepping on cracks,
13
00:01:15,273 --> 00:01:16,499
it finally paid off.
14
00:01:16,935 --> 00:01:18,896
I mean, it's no broken
back, but I'll take it.
15
00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:22,306
Honey, come on. You'll have
plenty of time to yell at the
boys once you beat this thing,
16
00:01:22,471 --> 00:01:27,202
but right now you've got billions
of germs inside of you that you
need to focus your hatred on.
17
00:01:27,685 --> 00:01:29,480
Besides, you're highly contagious.
18
00:01:29,869 --> 00:01:30,545
Okay.
19
00:01:30,706 --> 00:01:31,593
Okay.
20
00:01:32,055 --> 00:01:33,552
Wait, what's on your face?
21
00:01:39,826 --> 00:01:43,058
I can't wait until everybody
at school finds out you got
the kissing disease from Mom.
22
00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:45,258
Which will happen right about...
23
00:01:45,826 --> 00:01:46,376
now.
24
00:01:46,978 --> 00:01:48,521
I didn't kiss her. You saw it.
25
00:01:48,711 --> 00:01:50,870
What I saw was you and Mom
making out on the couch.
26
00:01:51,082 --> 00:01:51,468
Dewey?
27
00:01:51,788 --> 00:01:52,733
It was disgusting.
28
00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:55,033
She licked her finger
and touched my face.
29
00:01:55,130 --> 00:01:56,654
Spare us the perv details.
30
00:01:57,422 --> 00:01:59,332
Okay, Jamie. Here we go.
31
00:01:59,368 --> 00:02:01,526
None of Mommy's monster
germs are in here.
32
00:02:01,732 --> 00:02:05,135
But don't get too comfortable in the
big boys' room. It's only temporary.
33
00:02:06,031 --> 00:02:07,169
He's never leaving, is he?
34
00:02:07,438 --> 00:02:07,720
What?
35
00:02:08,048 --> 00:02:10,711
No. This is just until it's safe
to go back into our room.
36
00:02:10,732 --> 00:02:12,557
You said the same thing
when Dewey moved in.
37
00:02:12,877 --> 00:02:14,786
Are you gonna take him back
now that your ringworm's better?
38
00:02:14,789 --> 00:02:17,526
I told you we are still on
yellow alert with that!
39
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:18,566
Ready, Malcolm?
40
00:02:18,713 --> 00:02:19,195
Yeah.
41
00:02:21,170 --> 00:02:22,945
God, I hate sleeping on the couch.
42
00:02:23,445 --> 00:02:24,356
Oh, wait.
43
00:02:24,406 --> 00:02:25,313
No, no, no.
44
00:02:25,431 --> 00:02:27,447
We can't have you out there
in the general population.
45
00:02:27,844 --> 00:02:28,963
Well, then, where
am I gonna sleep?
46
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:29,671
Right this way.
47
00:02:35,986 --> 00:02:36,421
Come on.
48
00:02:38,287 --> 00:02:39,001
Oh, God.
49
00:02:39,944 --> 00:02:41,680
Okay, I can get through this.
50
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:43,045
I'll read books.
51
00:02:43,548 --> 00:02:44,358
I'll sleep a lot.
52
00:02:44,674 --> 00:02:46,256
I'll apologize in advance.
53
00:02:46,495 --> 00:02:48,116
I have gas to beat the band.
54
00:03:01,256 --> 00:03:01,960
Good job, Jamie.
55
00:03:02,709 --> 00:03:03,614
What the hell was that?
56
00:03:04,157 --> 00:03:04,813
He's my slave.
57
00:03:05,174 --> 00:03:06,981
You don't get to have
a slave. You're my slave.
58
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,272
Slaves can have slaves.
59
00:03:08,682 --> 00:03:09,329
This is America.
60
00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:16,189
Okay, I'll tell you what.
61
00:03:16,535 --> 00:03:18,336
I'll give you your freedom
if you give me Jamie.
62
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:19,807
Really?
63
00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:21,611
Your attitude's been
pretty lousy lately.
64
00:03:21,879 --> 00:03:23,589
I know you've been spitting
in my sandwiches.
65
00:03:23,902 --> 00:03:26,686
I mean, I still eat them,
but now the trust is gone.
66
00:03:32,273 --> 00:03:32,716
Wait.
67
00:03:34,385 --> 00:03:36,025
Don't you have something
you can read over there?
68
00:03:36,161 --> 00:03:37,744
I'm too tired to turn the page.
69
00:03:42,443 --> 00:03:43,119
Stick 'em up!
70
00:03:44,541 --> 00:03:46,528
Who wants a snack?
71
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:48,217
Here we go.
72
00:03:49,406 --> 00:03:49,942
All right.
73
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,106
A little bit closer.
74
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,024
Sorry, just a minor setback.
75
00:03:56,359 --> 00:03:57,663
Hal, we're fine.
76
00:03:58,035 --> 00:03:59,038
Thank you for your trouble.
77
00:03:59,046 --> 00:04:01,010
Wait, don't eat it
without the fun.
78
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:09,553
Yeah.
79
00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:12,486
Just leave.
80
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,051
Well, forgive me.
81
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,963
I thought you might appreciate
having some human interaction.
82
00:04:16,969 --> 00:04:20,981
You're in here every five minutes, when
what we really need is rest. Hal, just go.
83
00:04:21,002 --> 00:04:22,495
Please, find something to do.
84
00:04:32,511 --> 00:04:33,219
Finally.
85
00:04:35,290 --> 00:04:37,258
Malcolm, quit hogging the covers.
86
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:39,148
You're just like your father in bed.
87
00:04:55,241 --> 00:04:55,916
Hey, there.
88
00:04:56,815 --> 00:04:59,110
Look at you carrying that big leaf.
89
00:04:59,783 --> 00:05:00,400
All right.
90
00:05:00,940 --> 00:05:03,140
You'll be a hero when
you walk in with that.
91
00:05:04,313 --> 00:05:05,992
The queen's not gonna
tell you to get out.
92
00:05:07,759 --> 00:05:08,792
Oh, hey, Steve.
93
00:05:09,315 --> 00:05:10,627
Steve, hey.
94
00:05:10,695 --> 00:05:12,347
Oh, hey, Hal.
95
00:05:12,352 --> 00:05:13,907
Hey, I was just, uh...
96
00:05:15,003 --> 00:05:17,106
So what's going on in
your life, huh, fun stuff?
97
00:05:17,337 --> 00:05:21,063
Oh, no, no. You know me and Carol.
Just boring, boring, boring.
98
00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:22,392
Just a stay-at-home couple.
99
00:05:22,435 --> 00:05:23,299
Yeah, me, too.
100
00:05:23,388 --> 00:05:24,896
Oh, Lois has mono.
101
00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:27,524
I've got her quarantined in
the bedroom for two weeks.
102
00:05:28,390 --> 00:05:30,666
So she's really out
of commission, huh?
103
00:05:30,669 --> 00:05:31,104
Oh, yeah.
104
00:05:31,412 --> 00:05:32,015
That's rough.
105
00:05:32,709 --> 00:05:35,661
And there's no chance
she'll come out of it sooner?
106
00:05:35,678 --> 00:05:36,917
No, I'm afraid not.
107
00:05:36,982 --> 00:05:37,854
But thanks for asking.
108
00:05:40,314 --> 00:05:40,956
You know what?
109
00:05:41,221 --> 00:05:43,850
Uh, Carol and I are having
a luau in about an hour.
110
00:05:43,859 --> 00:05:45,860
Just a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing.
111
00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:47,244
Why don't you come by?
112
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,446
Wow, you guys really do this up right.
113
00:05:56,475 --> 00:05:58,998
Well, they had to outdo
a whole medieval feast
114
00:05:59,001 --> 00:06:02,047
at John and Stacy's and
'70s Night at the Wongs.
115
00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:05,445
Wait...
116
00:06:06,063 --> 00:06:06,506
So...
117
00:06:07,431 --> 00:06:09,122
You guys do this all the time?
118
00:06:11,379 --> 00:06:11,949
Hal...
119
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:15,604
I'm such a jerk.
I never extend myself.
120
00:06:16,765 --> 00:06:20,109
I just get in my car. I go to work.
I live in my own little world.
121
00:06:20,378 --> 00:06:23,785
I never think to knock on a neighbor's
door and say, "Hey, let's have a luau."
122
00:06:25,299 --> 00:06:28,714
In fact, in fact, when Lois gets
better, we'll do this at our house.
123
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:35,298
Yeah, we should really talk
about that at some point.
124
00:06:35,343 --> 00:06:36,773
You're right. I'm being pushy.
125
00:06:36,818 --> 00:06:38,231
Friendships develop over time.
126
00:06:39,951 --> 00:06:41,334
Yeah. Okay.
127
00:06:53,322 --> 00:06:53,773
No.
128
00:06:55,509 --> 00:06:55,976
No.
129
00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:58,168
No.
130
00:07:00,642 --> 00:07:01,009
No.
131
00:07:02,888 --> 00:07:03,566
God, no.
132
00:07:05,703 --> 00:07:06,141
No.
133
00:07:07,821 --> 00:07:08,240
No.
134
00:07:08,396 --> 00:07:09,192
We're staying.
135
00:07:10,006 --> 00:07:12,688
You said we both have to agree
on something or we won't watch it.
136
00:07:13,203 --> 00:07:16,464
When you own your own house,
you can make a rule and break it.
137
00:07:16,938 --> 00:07:17,864
That's not fair.
138
00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:24,568
Look at this boring leather jacket.
139
00:07:24,974 --> 00:07:30,239
Now look at the same leather
jacket covered in brilliant
scratch-resistant rhinestones.
140
00:07:30,246 --> 00:07:32,503
Oh, God. Get the remote.
141
00:07:32,646 --> 00:07:33,638
It's on your side.
142
00:07:34,052 --> 00:07:37,319
Fine, you want to watch the
shopping channel all night,
that's what we'll watch.
143
00:07:37,322 --> 00:07:42,316
Before now, this many rhinestones would
have taken hours, even days to apply.
144
00:07:42,457 --> 00:07:44,752
But now there's the Pizzazzler!
145
00:07:44,990 --> 00:07:46,743
It'll change your life.
146
00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:48,186
See?
147
00:07:49,170 --> 00:07:50,173
That's what we need.
148
00:07:51,001 --> 00:07:56,512
Amen, we've been screwing around
with medicine and bed rest when all
we needed were some shiny beads.
149
00:07:56,620 --> 00:08:00,011
Quick, easy, fun
and so simple to use.
150
00:08:00,434 --> 00:08:03,679
Do you think we could pizzazzle
this thick wool peacoat?
151
00:08:03,871 --> 00:08:04,993
I don't think they can.
152
00:08:05,134 --> 00:08:06,439
Impossible.
153
00:08:06,721 --> 00:08:08,130
Pizzazz-yes!
154
00:08:09,418 --> 00:08:10,711
I didn't see that coming.
155
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:14,913
Works on denim, satin,
leather, pleather...
156
00:08:15,723 --> 00:08:16,919
Look at that oven mitt.
157
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,874
Oh, come on, it's got
nothing on that wallet.
158
00:08:20,722 --> 00:08:24,811
Vinyl, suede, ultrasuede, even carpet.
159
00:08:24,916 --> 00:08:25,974
Pizzazzler,
160
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,158
it'll change your life.
161
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:31,927
You know, it actually has.
162
00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:39,445
He's broken. I'm taking
you back as my slave.
163
00:08:39,589 --> 00:08:42,491
-What? We had a deal.
-You gave me damaged goods.
164
00:08:42,724 --> 00:08:43,110
Look.
165
00:08:43,903 --> 00:08:46,153
Jamie, get me a soda
and it'd better be cold,
166
00:08:46,170 --> 00:08:47,147
or I'm gonna brain you.
167
00:08:49,179 --> 00:08:49,679
See?
168
00:08:49,938 --> 00:08:51,578
It's not my fault you don't
know how to work him.
169
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,678
Jamie, get him a soda.
170
00:08:58,399 --> 00:09:02,046
All right, but you're doing
that because I want you to,
not because he wants you to.
171
00:09:02,638 --> 00:09:03,583
Make him think that, Dewey.
172
00:09:05,171 --> 00:09:06,838
Malcolm, this is coming out great.
173
00:09:07,099 --> 00:09:08,351
Do you think it's gonna
be uncomfortable?
174
00:09:08,396 --> 00:09:12,188
Maybe, but you're gonna have to make
sacrifices if you're gonna be pizzazzulous.
175
00:09:12,487 --> 00:09:14,899
Oh, well, I didn't think
of it pizz-at way.
176
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,578
Okay, I'm going over
to Dave and Tina's.
177
00:09:17,646 --> 00:09:18,504
Everything okay in here?
178
00:09:18,761 --> 00:09:19,479
We're fine.
179
00:09:20,128 --> 00:09:20,930
Fizzazzine.
180
00:09:21,313 --> 00:09:22,029
Fizzazzine.
181
00:09:23,098 --> 00:09:24,391
Feeling mizzazzuch bizzetter.
182
00:09:25,923 --> 00:09:27,151
Are you taking your pills?
183
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:28,451
Gizzo awazzay.
184
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,097
Yeah, lizzeave us alazzone.
185
00:09:30,823 --> 00:09:32,328
Okay, well...
186
00:09:32,668 --> 00:09:34,236
Gizzazzood bizzazzye.
187
00:09:34,487 --> 00:09:34,854
What?
188
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,039
Hal, you're not making any sense.
189
00:09:38,212 --> 00:09:39,491
That's really weird, Dad.
190
00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:41,720
Sorry.
191
00:09:43,186 --> 00:09:43,835
Feel better.
192
00:09:48,271 --> 00:09:48,963
Oh, I'll tell ya.
193
00:09:49,075 --> 00:09:50,103
I get no respect.
194
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,222
No respect at all.
195
00:09:52,189 --> 00:09:54,010
This is the guy from the
luau I was telling you about.
196
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,337
He's hysterical.
197
00:09:55,524 --> 00:09:57,246
Ever notice that stop sign on Maple?
198
00:09:57,489 --> 00:10:00,838
Evidently, Mary Keller thinks it's
a slow-down-and-check-for-cops sign.
199
00:10:03,597 --> 00:10:05,254
That Hal is so great.
200
00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:07,083
Too bad he's stuck with that woman.
201
00:10:07,162 --> 00:10:08,130
That is right, Jay.
202
00:10:08,273 --> 00:10:09,411
She never stops there.
203
00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:10,847
I will terminate her.
204
00:10:11,591 --> 00:10:13,868
You know who'd be
perfect for him? Ellie.
205
00:10:14,276 --> 00:10:17,954
- She's just coming
out of that bad divorce.
- Stop. That is terrible.
206
00:10:19,057 --> 00:10:20,427
Hey, ask me for a burger with cheese.
207
00:10:20,717 --> 00:10:21,943
I'll have a burger with cheese.
208
00:10:22,879 --> 00:10:24,855
You can't handle the cheese.
209
00:10:27,271 --> 00:10:28,120
I'll introduce them.
210
00:10:29,711 --> 00:10:31,022
Ellie, this is Hal.
211
00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:31,754
Hi.
212
00:10:31,928 --> 00:10:32,265
Hi.
213
00:10:32,487 --> 00:10:34,077
So, Carol tells me
you're here on your own?
214
00:10:34,213 --> 00:10:35,892
Yeah, yeah. My wife kicked me out.
215
00:10:36,049 --> 00:10:37,677
Oh, that's terrible.
216
00:10:37,902 --> 00:10:40,314
So, are... are you
out of the house?
217
00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:42,021
No, no, no. I'm sleeping on the couch.
218
00:10:42,067 --> 00:10:43,676
But we're being smart about it.
219
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,457
I mean, no contact at all.
220
00:10:46,038 --> 00:10:47,925
I think it's for the best,
given our situation.
221
00:10:48,352 --> 00:10:49,444
Believe me, I know.
222
00:10:50,631 --> 00:10:52,078
Well, would you like
to join me in a drink?
223
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,813
My, oh, my. Do you
think we'll both fit?
224
00:11:04,425 --> 00:11:07,127
It's so good to get out and
meet all you great people.
225
00:11:07,805 --> 00:11:11,447
I have a confession to make. This
is my first night out in a long time.
226
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:13,337
I've been kind of a hermit lately.
227
00:11:13,533 --> 00:11:16,385
That was me, too, but now
I wish I hadn't waited this long.
228
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:20,778
I had no idea there was something
so amazing right here on my block.
229
00:11:20,925 --> 00:11:21,784
Oh, Hal.
230
00:11:22,459 --> 00:11:24,375
Well, maybe we can
do this again sometime.
231
00:11:24,874 --> 00:11:27,532
Well, Phil and Jenny are having
a Mexican fiesta tomorrow.
232
00:11:28,298 --> 00:11:29,381
Are you asking me?
233
00:11:30,173 --> 00:11:31,161
Yeah, are you going?
234
00:11:31,401 --> 00:11:32,040
Sure.
235
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,014
I'm sorry. I don't know how to do this.
236
00:11:38,429 --> 00:11:39,205
Just say good night.
237
00:11:41,357 --> 00:11:42,186
Good night, Hal.
238
00:11:42,682 --> 00:11:43,061
Good night.
239
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:49,122
Russell makes a mean Singapore Sling.
240
00:11:49,296 --> 00:11:51,486
Oh, and you know that probate
lawyer, Mrs. Chaffley?
241
00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:53,233
The one who's always on
my ass about the lawn?
242
00:11:53,554 --> 00:11:57,677
Well, she can stand on her head and
drink a pitcher of beer in seven seconds.
243
00:11:57,901 --> 00:11:59,343
Glad you had a good time, Hal.
244
00:11:59,562 --> 00:12:01,007
We're doing fine here, too.
245
00:12:02,951 --> 00:12:04,022
So, what do you wanna do now?
246
00:12:04,717 --> 00:12:05,689
You wanna Pizzazzle some more?
247
00:12:06,536 --> 00:12:08,581
No, I'm kinda Pizzazzled out.
248
00:12:19,421 --> 00:12:20,767
How about if I do your hair?
249
00:12:21,645 --> 00:12:22,941
Only if I get to do yours, too.
250
00:12:23,630 --> 00:12:24,781
Dizzeal!
251
00:12:32,398 --> 00:12:33,013
Thanks, little man.
252
00:12:33,636 --> 00:12:35,762
Aha! I see how you're doing it.
253
00:12:36,032 --> 00:12:37,089
You have a tack in your hand.
254
00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:38,319
Nope.
255
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:39,625
That was just a pat on the head.
256
00:12:39,848 --> 00:12:41,281
So you're pushing the soft spot?
257
00:12:41,750 --> 00:12:43,603
No, Reese. I'm just being nice.
258
00:12:44,528 --> 00:12:46,260
So he doesn't know when
the hit's gonna come.
259
00:12:46,443 --> 00:12:47,728
Reese, there's no trick.
260
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,446
I'm just showing him respect.
261
00:12:50,616 --> 00:12:51,773
You're not making any sense.
262
00:12:51,809 --> 00:12:52,719
Don't overthink it.
263
00:12:53,353 --> 00:12:54,851
Oh, I got it.
264
00:12:56,415 --> 00:12:57,012
No, wait. I don't.
265
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,081
He's my little brother.
266
00:12:58,396 --> 00:13:00,229
I'm just treating him the
way I want to be treated.
267
00:13:01,516 --> 00:13:02,830
Show me the hand thing again.
268
00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:17,398
*Wishing and hoping and
thinking and praying*
269
00:13:18,003 --> 00:13:22,884
*Praying and dreaming
each night of his charms*
270
00:13:23,294 --> 00:13:27,461
*That won't get you into his arms*
271
00:13:27,748 --> 00:13:36,182
*So if you're looking to
find love you can share*
272
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,717
*All you gotta do is
hold him and kiss him*
273
00:13:40,023 --> 00:13:41,978
*And love him and show him...*
274
00:13:42,403 --> 00:13:44,844
Oh, Hal, the last few nights
have been so magical.
275
00:13:45,609 --> 00:13:48,620
The barbecue, the... disco party.
276
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,233
Don't forget fondue night.
277
00:13:50,256 --> 00:13:51,977
I think I've gone up
a whole pant size.
278
00:13:55,842 --> 00:13:57,694
I think I'm falling in
love with someone.
279
00:13:59,092 --> 00:14:01,394
Wow, you know, you're pretty great.
280
00:14:01,714 --> 00:14:04,458
It wouldn't surprise me if he was
falling in love with you, too.
281
00:14:07,755 --> 00:14:08,642
Well, good night.
282
00:14:08,876 --> 00:14:09,265
Good night.
283
00:14:12,273 --> 00:14:13,045
Good for her.
284
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:18,968
I can do your nails again.
285
00:14:19,449 --> 00:14:21,725
I don't know what you could
possibly do to improve them.
286
00:14:23,637 --> 00:14:25,123
Well, we have to do something.
287
00:14:26,872 --> 00:14:27,798
Truth or Dare.
288
00:14:28,019 --> 00:14:28,509
Truth.
289
00:14:28,752 --> 00:14:30,213
What's the worse thing
you've ever done?
290
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,217
Total immunity?
291
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:33,068
Pinky swear.
292
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:36,532
All right, well, I'm not
sure if this counts,
293
00:14:37,027 --> 00:14:40,095
but when the Harrises were on
vacation I drove their car for a week.
294
00:14:40,306 --> 00:14:41,350
Malcolm!
295
00:14:41,351 --> 00:14:42,612
It's not as bad as it sounds.
296
00:14:43,005 --> 00:14:44,174
They left their window unlocked.
297
00:14:44,385 --> 00:14:46,776
And a lot of people leave a spare
car key in the kitchen drawer.
298
00:14:46,999 --> 00:14:47,832
Except the Goldmans.
299
00:14:48,171 --> 00:14:50,179
They left theirs in a fake
soup can in the cabinet.
300
00:14:51,175 --> 00:14:54,209
Well, I'm off to Steve
and Carol's... again.
301
00:14:54,470 --> 00:14:55,146
Fine, Hal.
302
00:14:56,227 --> 00:14:58,311
Hey, you know that Ellie
Johnson down the street?
303
00:14:58,425 --> 00:15:00,425
She is a lot more fun than you think.
304
00:15:00,759 --> 00:15:01,994
I think she found a fella.
305
00:15:02,237 --> 00:15:02,838
Good for her.
306
00:15:05,954 --> 00:15:08,608
Should be a great party
tonight. Steve's doing kabobs.
307
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,954
Hal, I thought about it and it's just...
308
00:15:11,973 --> 00:15:12,599
too soon.
309
00:15:13,642 --> 00:15:15,060
Well, they did say 7:30.
310
00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:15,888
I mean, I'm not...
311
00:15:17,045 --> 00:15:17,624
ready.
312
00:15:18,483 --> 00:15:19,564
I hope you understand.
313
00:15:19,869 --> 00:15:21,895
Well, if you're not ready,
you're not ready.
314
00:15:22,783 --> 00:15:24,770
You have such an amazing attitude, Hal.
315
00:15:25,485 --> 00:15:26,681
Don't ever lose that.
316
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,699
So I guess I should just go.
317
00:15:31,647 --> 00:15:32,322
Good-bye, Hal.
318
00:15:32,549 --> 00:15:33,090
Good...
319
00:15:33,477 --> 00:15:34,459
Good-bye, Ellie.
320
00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:43,179
Okay, now say something nice to him.
321
00:15:46,583 --> 00:15:49,235
Like how you feel about him,
but only good stuff.
322
00:15:50,889 --> 00:15:52,066
I don't know. He's...
323
00:15:55,884 --> 00:15:56,527
...not that bad.
324
00:15:56,637 --> 00:15:58,028
Good. Now tell him that.
325
00:15:59,672 --> 00:16:01,925
You're not horrible like the
rest of those buttmunches.
326
00:16:02,148 --> 00:16:04,656
There you go. Now pat
him on the shoulder.
327
00:16:06,442 --> 00:16:08,062
It's like a slap, but slower.
328
00:16:15,897 --> 00:16:16,399
Good.
329
00:16:17,238 --> 00:16:18,434
Now see if he'll get you a soda.
330
00:16:19,069 --> 00:16:20,328
-Get me a soda!
-No, no.
331
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:22,176
Do it with me.
332
00:16:23,468 --> 00:16:24,760
Would you mind...
333
00:16:27,459 --> 00:16:28,520
Would you mind...
334
00:16:29,467 --> 00:16:30,335
...getting me...
335
00:16:30,693 --> 00:16:31,696
...getting me...
336
00:16:32,046 --> 00:16:32,953
...a...
337
00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:33,952
...a...
338
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:35,024
...soda?
339
00:16:36,117 --> 00:16:36,811
...soda?
340
00:16:38,506 --> 00:16:39,949
-You stupid...
-Nothing else.
341
00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:57,351
I just realized I totally lost
sight of what's really important.
342
00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:58,274
There you go.
343
00:16:58,383 --> 00:17:00,532
It's not that I like having
a slave getting me things.
344
00:17:01,436 --> 00:17:04,699
It's that I like to have a slave so I can
watch him suffer while he gets me things.
345
00:17:05,062 --> 00:17:05,325
What?
346
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,066
The fact that I had to ask for
this makes it taste like bile.
347
00:17:09,282 --> 00:17:10,826
Thank you for helping
me figure that out.
348
00:17:13,124 --> 00:17:14,042
What was that for?
349
00:17:14,110 --> 00:17:15,857
Sorry, man. I had to get
the taste out of my mouth.
350
00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:20,827
I still can't believe
you ate that dead fly.
351
00:17:20,838 --> 00:17:22,010
Hey, I play for keeps.
352
00:17:22,023 --> 00:17:23,056
All right, truth or dare?
353
00:17:23,326 --> 00:17:23,857
Truth.
354
00:17:24,374 --> 00:17:26,651
Remember when I was in fifth
grade and I set the couch on fire?
355
00:17:27,425 --> 00:17:28,287
How'd you know it was me?
356
00:17:28,633 --> 00:17:32,528
I planted all that evidence,
I had Stevie as an alibi. Even
Dad thought it was Reese.
357
00:17:32,754 --> 00:17:33,399
Honestly?
358
00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:34,640
I had no idea.
359
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:38,119
You were the first person I saw when
I started yelling, and you just crumbled.
360
00:17:38,656 --> 00:17:39,905
You were bluffing,
361
00:17:40,775 --> 00:17:41,790
but you seemed so sure.
362
00:17:41,815 --> 00:17:43,210
Of course, I seemed sure.
363
00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:48,069
With you boys, if I showed the
slightest weakness or hesitation
the whole thing falls apart.
364
00:17:48,509 --> 00:17:50,669
Half the time, I'm just
going on blind instinct.
365
00:17:50,757 --> 00:17:53,349
After all these years, five
kids, keeping up that act.
366
00:17:53,736 --> 00:17:54,601
That's gotta be exhausting.
367
00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:55,644
Tell me about it.
368
00:17:56,354 --> 00:17:58,499
Plenty of days I come
home tired from work.
369
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,939
The last thing I wanna do is be Lois.
370
00:18:01,396 --> 00:18:02,515
I guess I do the same thing.
371
00:18:03,423 --> 00:18:04,964
Sometimes when
I come home from school,
372
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,367
I don't feel like arguing with you.
373
00:18:06,874 --> 00:18:07,938
But it's like that's my job.
374
00:18:07,982 --> 00:18:08,893
It's funny, isn't it?
375
00:18:09,060 --> 00:18:12,441
I bet half the time if we knew what
the other one was really thinking,
we'd just burst out laughing.
376
00:18:12,593 --> 00:18:13,699
We probably would.
377
00:18:26,998 --> 00:18:27,962
Where's Ellie?
378
00:18:28,183 --> 00:18:29,961
Oh, she said she just wasn't ready.
379
00:18:30,227 --> 00:18:31,321
Oh, yeah.
380
00:18:31,330 --> 00:18:32,515
Well, what a shame.
381
00:18:32,819 --> 00:18:38,468
But you know sometimes people just
cling to these relationships that don't
make sense to anybody else, right, Hal?
382
00:18:39,934 --> 00:18:40,305
What?
383
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:42,391
Nothing.
384
00:18:43,398 --> 00:18:46,545
No, you clearly said something.
What are you, what are you driving at?
385
00:18:47,884 --> 00:18:51,912
Well, it's just that, you know,
you're so fun and Lois is so...
386
00:18:54,281 --> 00:18:55,014
Mojitos?
387
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:59,506
No, no, mojitos. You were
saying something about my
wife, so let's just hear it.
388
00:19:02,662 --> 00:19:06,135
Well, um, this is nothing
against you, Hal,
389
00:19:06,602 --> 00:19:10,017
it's just that your
wife is kind of a...
390
00:19:11,957 --> 00:19:12,536
pill.
391
00:19:14,073 --> 00:19:14,663
What?
392
00:19:19,237 --> 00:19:23,842
Well, maybe that's your opinion,
buddy, but that's not the opinion
of everyone else here, is it?
393
00:19:34,258 --> 00:19:35,299
So that's how it is, huh?
394
00:19:36,978 --> 00:19:38,483
Well, let me tell you something.
395
00:19:39,252 --> 00:19:41,610
I think all of you
people are just jealous!
396
00:19:43,085 --> 00:19:45,242
My wife happens to be
the most wonderful,
397
00:19:45,410 --> 00:19:49,941
amazing, beautiful woman in the
world, and I don't care to eat with
anyone who thinks otherwise.
398
00:20:07,705 --> 00:20:08,609
See me cowering?
399
00:20:08,662 --> 00:20:10,156
This is how a slave acts.
400
00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:12,149
You'll get it. We'll both
just have to be patient.
401
00:20:12,755 --> 00:20:13,624
Now, let's start at the beginning.
402
00:20:14,128 --> 00:20:16,366
"No, I won't get you a soda."
403
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:22,400
Come on. Put some wrist into it.
404
00:20:22,861 --> 00:20:24,468
Wait, you're missing
my eye. Get my eye.
405
00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:27,278
Oh, don't worry Hal,
I'll take down the rhinestones.
406
00:20:27,299 --> 00:20:31,460
No, leave them. Last night was
like making love inside of a star.
407
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,993
You know, Hal, now that I'm
feeling better you can take me
to one of those great parties.
408
00:20:36,053 --> 00:20:38,147
Oh, I don't think so, honey.
409
00:20:38,152 --> 00:20:40,200
I never really fit in
with those people.
410
00:20:40,227 --> 00:20:42,610
Well, if they don't appreciate you,
I don't want anything to do with them.
411
00:20:45,699 --> 00:20:46,387
Oh, for the...!
412
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,529
Who left the refrigerator open?
413
00:20:49,016 --> 00:20:49,832
Malcolm?!
414
00:20:50,226 --> 00:20:51,549
Sorry, Mom, I didn't...
415
00:20:56,716 --> 00:20:57,612
Mom, remember the...?
416
00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:01,095
What the hell are you laughing at?
You think wasting electricity is funny?
417
00:21:01,580 --> 00:21:03,674
Not as funny as your
pathetic parenting skills.
418
00:21:03,684 --> 00:21:06,313
-Isn't it interesting that you treat your
kids like criminals... -Oh, well, why
don't you just live on the street...
419
00:21:06,318 --> 00:21:09,431
- ...and they end up turning into criminals?
You must be so proud. -...and see if a bunch
of strangers will give you free, cold food?
420
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:12,138
-You have all your kids afraid
of you. Is that what you want?
-That's all you want, free stuff, right?
421
00:21:12,141 --> 00:21:15,135
-You want me to be afraid of you?
-You think everybody's just gonna give you...
