Épisode On ira tous au paradis S06E13 - Malcolm in the Middle Saison 6

Script VO Brut

* By www.tvsubtitles.net *

1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:02,629
Good dinner, honey.

2
00:00:02,630 --> 00:00:05,031
Thanks. I'm stunned I had time to cook anything.

3
00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:08,338
Traffic was horrible, and then on the
way to the market I hit a possum.

4
00:00:08,762 --> 00:00:09,339
You're kidding.

5
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,764
It was just awful. It laid there moaning and dying.

6
00:00:12,901 --> 00:00:15,073
I didn't know what to do.
So I finally called Animal Services.

7
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:17,095
I waited and waited, nobody ever came.

8
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,950
I was so upset. I never did
have time to get to the store.

9
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:25,000
If you never made it to the store, then what are we eating?

10
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:29,620
Something from the freezer.

11
00:00:31,194 --> 00:00:31,575
Finish it.

12
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:40,000
Malcolm in the Middle - 6.13 - Tiki Lounge

13
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:47,000
Synchronisation par Mark & Tyno,
Script original par Raceman.

14
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:54,000
Forom.com, Life-is-Unfair.tk
& Malcolm-France.com

15
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,750
I'll pick up Dewey from his piano lesson.
And you're waiting for the dry wall guy?

16
00:01:09,915 --> 00:01:13,536
Yeah, but you got to get the vacuum. I'll take the
boys for their haircuts, and go pay the phone bill.

17
00:01:13,537 --> 00:01:16,914
All right. By the way, the dermatologist called.
He said that the lump on my back is just...

18
00:01:16,915 --> 00:01:18,933
Don't put it out with more fire, moron!

19
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:20,036
Oh, my God.

20
00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:32,621
I don't care if it's only a little poisonous. Get rid of it.

21
00:01:33,455 --> 00:01:35,917
So he said it was just an ingrown hair.

22
00:01:36,073 --> 00:01:36,453
What?

23
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:37,465
The lump.

24
00:01:37,839 --> 00:01:38,511
Oh, good.

25
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:42,955
That was 18 hours ago. That's the
last time we talked to each other?

26
00:01:43,782 --> 00:01:45,000
Oh, my God.

27
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,653
I mean, oh, my God.

28
00:01:47,845 --> 00:01:50,527
We talk to each other 20 seconds a day?!

29
00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:53,777
Don't worry, honey. This is a
problem, but I will take care of it.

30
00:01:55,350 --> 00:01:59,575
For the next five days,
you boys will be my slaves.

31
00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:04,134
It will be miserable, hard,
exhausting work, but...

32
00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:06,250
Nope, that's it.

33
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,419
Just miserable, hard work.

34
00:02:07,750 --> 00:02:11,970
So no matter what we have planned or how busy we are,
you're okay with exploiting us for child labor?

35
00:02:12,195 --> 00:02:13,614
Good, we're clear. Let's get to work.

36
00:02:17,625 --> 00:02:19,188
Come to Papa.

37
00:02:19,747 --> 00:02:20,189
Dad?

38
00:02:20,954 --> 00:02:22,846
Oh, no, you don't, Reese. No way.

39
00:02:22,850 --> 00:02:23,872
You give the nail gun to Dewey.

40
00:02:30,126 --> 00:02:31,486
You wanted to see me, Mr. Herkabe?

41
00:02:32,599 --> 00:02:40,060
Malcolm, one of the many perks of working in the glamorous field of public
education is the constant opportunity to suddenly increase your workload.

42
00:02:40,061 --> 00:02:44,723
It's as big a morale booster as the
constant chiseling of gum from one's shoes...

43
00:02:44,724 --> 00:02:46,999
You know, you can come right out and
tell me how you're screwing me over.

44
00:02:47,214 --> 00:02:48,550
You don't have to make a speech every time.

45
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,375
Be patient.

46
00:02:50,292 --> 00:02:56,998
Yesterday I was informed that all faculty members must serve as
advisors to at least one of the school's many clubs and organizations.

47
00:02:57,145 --> 00:03:00,086
I've been assigned the North High Boosters.

48
00:03:00,212 --> 00:03:02,023
And you're telling me because...?

49
00:03:02,024 --> 00:03:02,472
It's coming.

50
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:12,003
The Boosters are only nine members, which makes it a group.
We need ten for it to be a club. And if it isn't a club, I don't get my $200 advisor fee.

51
00:03:12,004 --> 00:03:13,300
You want me to join?

52
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:17,907
I love it when a victim fully grasps the horror.
You have proved a worthy patsy.

53
00:03:17,908 --> 00:03:19,361
I don't want to be in your stupid club.

54
00:03:19,497 --> 00:03:21,200
It's not a club until you joined keep up.

55
00:03:22,127 --> 00:03:23,330
Okay, what's the blackmail?

56
00:03:25,092 --> 00:03:26,248
Why must you rush these things?

57
00:03:28,052 --> 00:03:32,321
As Vice Principal, I write the college
recommendations. I've written two for you.

58
00:03:32,823 --> 00:03:35,326
One has your complete academic record.

59
00:03:35,578 --> 00:03:40,025
The other has your complete academic record
and a short paragraph about your personality.

60
00:03:40,533 --> 00:03:41,471
That's not fair!

61
00:03:41,950 --> 00:03:44,993
The meeting starts at 3:15 tomorrow.
Come early if you want spirit cookies.

62
00:03:47,566 --> 00:03:49,468
Keep 'em closed. Almost there.

63
00:03:49,469 --> 00:03:52,779
Hal, you spun me around 50 times.
I still know we're going to the garage.

64
00:03:53,137 --> 00:03:53,851
Okay, open 'em.

65
00:03:55,825 --> 00:03:59,717
Oh, Hal, it's... It's beautiful.

66
00:03:59,912 --> 00:04:02,358
Well, I didn't do it all myself.
The boys worked their butts off.

67
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:03,827
You know, that's a working wet bar.

68
00:04:04,150 --> 00:04:06,047
And a real New Zealand Mocking Mask.

69
00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:09,350
Congratulations, boys, you did a fantastic job.

70
00:04:10,235 --> 00:04:13,210
Now, if you set one foot in here, I will cripple you.

71
00:04:13,475 --> 00:04:13,718
What?

72
00:04:13,835 --> 00:04:17,464
From now on, every night from 6:00 to 7:00 is "tiki time."

73
00:04:17,745 --> 00:04:25,617
Tiki time means your mother and I will be in here, alone, with no
questions, no interruptions, no communication from you boys of any kind.

74
00:04:25,921 --> 00:04:30,185
Malcolm, you'll cover any of your mom's shifts at Lucky Aide.
Reese, Dewey, baby-sit Jamie.

75
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:30,458
But...

76
00:04:30,459 --> 00:04:31,431
No buts.

77
00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:34,144
You're the ones who ruined our relationship in the first place.

78
00:04:34,145 --> 00:04:34,765
Hal...

79
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,324
He needs changing.

80
00:04:38,672 --> 00:04:39,237
Aloha.

81
00:04:45,136 --> 00:04:49,101
I would like to officially welcome my young
friend Malcolm to the North High Booster Club.

82
00:04:49,615 --> 00:04:52,150
It's a very rewarding day for all of us,
who care so much about...

83
00:04:53,498 --> 00:04:55,228
Whatever it is you do.

84
00:04:55,579 --> 00:04:56,195
Phillip?

85
00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:00,387
First, let's review our Food for
the Homeless program. Wayne?

86
00:05:00,670 --> 00:05:04,766
Good news, Boosters, we raised $428
at our rad "Bowling For Hobos" event.

87
00:05:06,458 --> 00:05:11,528
Unfortunately, the decorating budget got away from us.
We spent $425 on the balloons.

88
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:17,144
But I think we might be able to salvage this by taking that
three dollars and buying the homeless a really nice card.

89
00:05:17,270 --> 00:05:18,261
Great idea.

90
00:05:18,926 --> 00:05:19,821
Good save, Wayne.

91
00:05:21,647 --> 00:05:25,600
All right, Stephanie, what about our pancake breakfast
for the Abused Children's Counseling Center?

92
00:05:25,601 --> 00:05:29,738
It's gonna be awesome. We have tons
of decorations and hundreds of balloons.

93
00:05:31,723 --> 00:05:35,348
Maybe if you eased up on the balloons, you'd have
some more money for the counseling center.

94
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:40,199
I don't think abused children want to eat some glumy undecorated room.

95
00:05:40,375 --> 00:05:43,971
I mean, after what they've been through,
let's not abuse their sense of taste.

96
00:05:44,087 --> 00:05:44,995
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.

97
00:05:46,449 --> 00:05:49,303
Let's move on to our Monte Carlo Night for the school library.

98
00:05:50,144 --> 00:05:55,294
This year we've invested in a professional
Bingo caller. It's going to be insane.

99
00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:56,869
And Malcolm?

100
00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,251
What? I'm awake.

101
00:05:58,457 --> 00:06:03,520
Don't worry. We've saved a really important job just for you.
You are going to be our Monte Carlo Night auctioneer.

102
00:06:04,053 --> 00:06:04,613
What?

103
00:06:04,875 --> 00:06:07,992
That's right. You're going to be in front
of the whole school representing us.

104
00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:11,490
Welcome aboard, Booster.

105
00:06:15,350 --> 00:06:16,115
Point of order!

106
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,374
Can we start Smile Patrol before the kids go home?

107
00:06:18,805 --> 00:06:19,768
Smile Patrol?

108
00:06:19,769 --> 00:06:22,734
We thought it'd be fun to roam the halls for
anyone who's not smiling and give them a ticket.

109
00:06:25,143 --> 00:06:25,807
Meeting adjourned.

110
00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:32,499
I think someone's going to have to write themselves up.

111
00:06:55,286 --> 00:06:56,610
This is so unfair.

112
00:06:57,248 --> 00:06:59,995
Yeah, when I grow up, I'm going to
do exactly the same thing to my kids.

113
00:07:00,367 --> 00:07:02,188
Yeah, mine are going to pay big time.

114
00:07:03,805 --> 00:07:07,238
By the time I came back, there were
adult diapers all over the loading dock.

115
00:07:08,992 --> 00:07:10,116
That's wonderful.

116
00:07:11,194 --> 00:07:13,401
Oh, I hear a coconut that needs refreshing.

117
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,366
One more Beach Frolic coming up.

118
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:18,655
- So, go on.
- I'm finished.

119
00:07:19,149 --> 00:07:20,189
That's my entire day.

120
00:07:21,572 --> 00:07:22,199
Mine, too.

121
00:07:22,728 --> 00:07:29,180
Huh, how about that? Do you realize that we have
never told each other our entire day before?

122
00:07:29,181 --> 00:07:30,325
That's amazing.

123
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:35,350
That's something else I've never told you.

124
00:07:35,561 --> 00:07:37,802
Think, Lois. I want to know everything.

125
00:07:39,801 --> 00:07:41,878
I had a pet turtle named Lee Majors.

126
00:07:42,665 --> 00:07:44,708
He gave my whole family salmonella.

127
00:07:46,303 --> 00:07:48,081
I thought I loved you four seconds ago.

128
00:07:51,205 --> 00:07:52,577
I want out of the Booster club.

129
00:07:52,762 --> 00:07:58,543
You can blackmail me all you want, but those kids are stupid,
the auctioneer job is stupid, the whole thing blows and I'm quitting.

130
00:07:58,951 --> 00:08:01,023
Someone's putting the "boo" in booster.

131
00:08:01,149 --> 00:08:02,979
Did you see the crap they're trying to auction?

132
00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:11,069
500 take-out menus from a Chinese restaurant, an AOL starter disc,
scrapbook lessons, a 15-minute neck massage from Earl the janitor.

133
00:08:11,286 --> 00:08:13,512
Nobody wants that stuff.
I'm out of there.

134
00:08:13,513 --> 00:08:14,810
Good for you. Go right ahead.

135
00:08:15,750 --> 00:08:16,100
What?

136
00:08:16,256 --> 00:08:19,255
I officially stopped caring at 2:15
when I was handed this check.

137
00:08:19,380 --> 00:08:24,028
And now I can finally splurge on new brake pads
and treat my Civic like the lady that she is.

138
00:08:24,806 --> 00:08:27,470
You should really learn to trust me, Malcolm.
It worked out well for everyone.

139
00:08:27,471 --> 00:08:30,299
I got my money, you get to quit,
and the Boosters get to be rid of you.

140
00:08:30,953 --> 00:08:31,803
What are you talking about?

141
00:08:31,987 --> 00:08:36,868
They don't like you any more than you like them.
They think you're too lazy and selfish to be Booster material.

142
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:39,450
You're lying.

143
00:08:41,432 --> 00:08:44,450
- Oh, my God, you care.
- No, I don't.

144
00:08:44,794 --> 00:08:51,276
They're a bunch of hypocrites pretending to be into charity just to have
an excuse to throw parties and socialize and be surrounded by balloons.

145
00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:57,597
Is this going to devolve into you shamble in around the quite
come next June desperate for someone to sign your yearbook?

146
00:08:57,750 --> 00:08:59,539
Calling me selfish and lazy?

147
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:02,250
I could raise ten times the money those idiots ever could!

148
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,507
Please. You're not seriously thinking of
"showing them a thing or two," are you?

149
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:06,146
Shut up!

150
00:09:09,110 --> 00:09:09,529
Jamie...

151
00:09:11,046 --> 00:09:12,700
Come on, just try it. It's easy.

152
00:09:14,212 --> 00:09:15,011
What are you doing?

153
00:09:15,302 --> 00:09:17,308
He's trying to teach Jamie to smoke.

154
00:09:17,309 --> 00:09:20,021
Since we're stuck watching him, I figured
we might as well do something cool with him.

155
00:09:20,724 --> 00:09:22,276
What's cooler than a smoking baby?

156
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,202
Why don't you just shoot him out of a cannon?

157
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,866
Come on, he could be famous.

158
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:30,461
You know, "Jamie, that smokin' baby."
He could do talk shows or tour with rock bands.

159
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:32,992
But he doesn't even care.

160
00:09:33,150 --> 00:09:34,964
Give him a break. He's not even two.

161
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,299
I'm not mad that he won't light the cigarette.
I'm mad that he won't try.

162
00:09:42,703 --> 00:09:44,205
I think he's stupid.

163
00:09:46,041 --> 00:09:48,791
Look, pal, we missed the chance
to raise you inside a Sparklet's bottle.

164
00:09:49,025 --> 00:09:50,085
This is our last shot.

165
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:53,699
We're not going to move.
We're going to sit here for as long as it takes.

166
00:09:58,500 --> 00:09:59,513
Aw, man!

167
00:10:00,107 --> 00:10:01,492
You did that on purpose.

168
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:06,703
You going to play it that way, fine. Now it's war.

169
00:10:08,635 --> 00:10:10,163
I miss the rotary phone, too.

170
00:10:10,337 --> 00:10:11,164
It made you slow down.
Think about what you're gonna say.

171
00:10:12,583 --> 00:10:15,818
Yeah, exactly. Now it's bup-bup-bup and
there they are whether you're ready or not.

172
00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:17,503
This is wonderful.

173
00:10:17,927 --> 00:10:21,991
Just think, when we get to heaven
we'll feel like this all the time.

174
00:10:22,596 --> 00:10:23,476
Wouldn't that be nice?

175
00:10:24,566 --> 00:10:24,975
What do you mean?

176
00:10:26,256 --> 00:10:28,383
I mean, it would be nice, heaven.

177
00:10:29,473 --> 00:10:30,469
You mean it will be nice.

178
00:10:35,398 --> 00:10:38,737
I just don't personally... believe in that.

179
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:48,154
Well, okay, maybe not the clouds and the harps and angels,
but you do believe in some kind of heaven, right?

180
00:10:53,060 --> 00:10:59,670
Okay, so you don't believe in heaven, but you do believe in
some kind of paradise where our two souls will go spend eternity.

181
00:11:00,821 --> 00:11:03,256
I'm just not much of an afterlife person.

182
00:11:05,718 --> 00:11:11,005
Wait a minute, Lois. Where are good
people rewarded and bad people punished?

183
00:11:11,153 --> 00:11:13,316
Right here on Earth, if I have anything to say about it.

184
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,965
How is it I didn't know about this until now?

185
00:11:16,346 --> 00:11:18,600
Well, I guess we just never had time to talk about it.

186
00:11:24,176 --> 00:11:25,650
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah.

187
00:11:26,466 --> 00:11:28,441
It's silly to ruin tiki time over this.

188
00:11:29,419 --> 00:11:31,064
I will refresh our drinks.

189
00:11:37,109 --> 00:11:39,477
Oh, I can't do this! You've ruined it.

190
00:11:39,642 --> 00:11:40,303
Why?

191
00:11:40,304 --> 00:11:47,588
Because for the last 20 years I've assumed we'd be spending eternity together.
And if you don't believe that, then you won't be there.

192
00:11:47,764 --> 00:11:48,764
Is that the rule?

193
00:11:49,050 --> 00:11:51,061
Nothing about this place is right anymore.

194
00:11:51,787 --> 00:11:55,347
It feels like that New Zealand
Mocking Mask is... mocking me.

195
00:11:55,740 --> 00:11:58,912
Hal, I didn't say this to upset you.

196
00:11:58,913 --> 00:11:59,246
I know...

197
00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:00,483
Can we talk about it?

198
00:12:01,539 --> 00:12:02,649
I think we've talked enough.

199
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,635
I'm going to go take kind of a long walk now.

200
00:12:06,825 --> 00:12:09,664
But you stay. Enjoy your rum-tumbler.

201
00:12:26,187 --> 00:12:30,386
Look at me play with this great toy,
and I'm not gonna share it!

202
00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:32,593
Whee! This is fun!

203
00:12:33,142 --> 00:12:34,993
I'm not gonna turn around. Is he getting pissed?

204
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:36,802
He's eating his foot.

205
00:12:37,658 --> 00:12:38,223
Nice cover.

206
00:12:38,622 --> 00:12:39,266
I'm getting to him.

207
00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,922
You're having a feud with a toddler.

208
00:12:42,106 --> 00:12:44,100
And you don't think he's playing that for all it's worth?

209
00:12:45,985 --> 00:12:47,876
Well, tiki time is over.

210
00:12:48,583 --> 00:12:50,130
You boys don't have to baby-sit anymore.

211
00:13:00,650 --> 00:13:03,634
And Monte Carlo Night is starting to shape up really nicely.

212
00:13:03,635 --> 00:13:11,523
We've got really cool-looking plastic champagne glasses, and we've also got six-channel
walkie-talkies so we can be in constant audio contact in all sectors of the gymnasium.

213
00:13:12,035 --> 00:13:14,900
I also took it upon myself to raise the balloon budget.

214
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,674
I figure if we're not going mylar, then why even bother?

215
00:13:18,347 --> 00:13:19,216
Okay, great, Victor.

216
00:13:20,282 --> 00:13:21,797
All right, and that brings us to the auction.

217
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,523
It's gonna be horrible, but not because I'm not busting my butt.

218
00:13:25,029 --> 00:13:29,589
I've been hitting up people all around town, trying to get decent
stuff that people will actually bid on, but no one's interested!

219
00:13:31,621 --> 00:13:33,798
Well, I'm sure you're doing the best that you can.

220
00:13:35,850 --> 00:13:36,637
Meeting adjourned.

221
00:13:42,579 --> 00:13:45,997
I can't believe that this is what
happens when you actually try.

222
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:51,864
Um, Good Night.

223
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:58,200
- Why can't we just get past this?
- I don't know.

224
00:13:58,443 --> 00:14:01,313
Why the hell did we think that talking
to each other was a good idea?

225
00:14:01,430 --> 00:14:03,681
We were having fun and we got greedy. Now look at us.

226
00:14:03,682 --> 00:14:06,104
We used to have no time at all
for each other, and it worked great.

227
00:14:06,105 --> 00:14:09,483
We should warn people. Write a book. Go on Oprah.

228
00:14:11,157 --> 00:14:12,587
- You know what would help?
- What?

229
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:16,025
If you changed your mind and told
me that you believed in heaven.

230
00:14:16,691 --> 00:14:18,103
You want me to lie to you?

231
00:14:18,211 --> 00:14:21,602
It's not lying if what you say would
be true if the facts were different.

232
00:14:22,884 --> 00:14:30,777
I'll work with whatever you give me. If you just say the words, you'll be
giving me a tiny little gray area where I can live in peace for the rest of my life.

233
00:14:31,265 --> 00:14:34,265
I can live in gray, Lois.
Let me live in gray!

234
00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:36,474
Hal, I'm sorry, I have to tell you the truth.

235
00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:37,001
Why?

236
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,761
Because it's what I believe in.

237
00:14:39,592 --> 00:14:42,818
It's what I hang onto. The truth is all that I have.

238
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:49,416
If I could give it up for anybody,
I would give it up for you, but I just can't.

239
00:14:57,745 --> 00:14:58,937
Heaven's going to suck!

240
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:07,861
We have to be home by 9:30. The baby-sitter
said her halfway house goes into lockdown at 10:00.

241
00:15:08,751 --> 00:15:10,888
Did she tell you about the mobile over Jamie's crib?

242
00:15:11,116 --> 00:15:14,279
She said it looked like somebody took a saw and cut almost all tugh it.

243
00:15:16,269 --> 00:15:17,409
That's weird.

244
00:15:17,622 --> 00:15:19,446
It's not like he has any enemies or anything.

245
00:15:21,015 --> 00:15:24,492
Hey, Malcolm, the place looks great.
Look at all these balloons.

246
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:25,964
This is going to be a fun night.

247
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,921
If watching your son be humiliated in front
of the whole school is your idea of fun.

248
00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:30,563
What are you talking about?

249
00:15:30,592 --> 00:15:32,929
You're finally getting the attention you always wanted.

250
00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:39,599
Oh, come on, honey. I know you're upset.
Let's try to have some fun tonight.

251
00:15:40,466 --> 00:15:41,166
Sure.

252
00:15:41,715 --> 00:15:45,945
If the here and now is all we've got, then
let's enjoy it in all its beauty and wonder.

253
00:15:45,990 --> 00:15:47,282
I'll get us some churros.

254
00:15:50,264 --> 00:15:51,645
Hello, Malc.

255
00:15:52,123 --> 00:15:54,913
- Malc?
- Forgive me, I'm feeling very odd tonight.

256
00:15:54,948 --> 00:15:59,292
What is it called when you look around
and you are not filled with festering rage?

257
00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:02,008
- Being moderately happy?
- That is it!

258
00:16:02,616 --> 00:16:07,024
I am moderately happy. I have brake pads,
and enough left overfor a side mirror.

259
00:16:07,068 --> 00:16:13,302
And now I find that there's a wine tasting booth with
an incredibly underpriced Riesling, just 25 cents a glass.

260
00:16:13,344 --> 00:16:18,558
So, if you'll excuse me, I think I saw a slightly
drunk Ms. Bartlett headed for the ladies' room.

261
00:16:20,559 --> 00:16:24,531
I can't wait to see the look on Jamie's face tomorrow
when he tries to tickle what's left of Elmo.

262
00:16:25,279 --> 00:16:26,878
Then he'll be sorry he started this.

263
00:16:27,606 --> 00:16:28,624
Stupid baby.

264
00:16:30,809 --> 00:16:37,694
Reese, let me ask you. When you end up in a situation like this,
does it ever even occur to you to stop and figure out how you got there?

265
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:39,958
And let him win?

266
00:16:41,596 --> 00:16:48,319
I mean, what do you do when your concept of eternity
is wrapped up in a person that doesn't believe in eternity?

267
00:16:48,809 --> 00:16:51,214
I mean, does this eternity even exist?

268
00:16:52,274 --> 00:16:54,233
You might want to talk to a senior.

269
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:58,326
That's it, Mr. Herkabe, you just broke the North High bank.

270
00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:00,751
Sometimes you're kissed by the gods.

271
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,872
Your trip to the corndog cart has been comped.

272
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,276
I should hope so.

273
00:17:06,771 --> 00:17:07,283
Ladies.

274
00:17:10,669 --> 00:17:14,766
I've been working hard, and I do care
about this, but all your stuff blows.

275
00:17:15,155 --> 00:17:18,150
Don't worry, Malcolm. Just go up there and do your best.

276
00:17:18,461 --> 00:17:21,310
And don't be nervous.
No one's expecting much.

277
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:31,946
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for
the Monte Carlo Night auction.

278
00:17:31,887 --> 00:17:33,095
Please gather around.

279
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,587
It's a wonderful night and a wonderful cause.

280
00:17:37,941 --> 00:17:44,397
I have to say that the members of the North High Boosters
have really taught me so much about the true spirit of charity.

281
00:17:45,141 --> 00:17:51,820
So instead of the items listed in the program, we came up with
some new items, which I think people will be very excited to bid on.

282
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:58,908
First item up: Our own Stephanie Wright has agreed to put
up for auction, a photograph of herself from eighth grade...

283
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,430
With her original nose!

284
00:18:04,132 --> 00:18:05,245
Ten dollars!

285
00:18:05,290 --> 00:18:08,852
- 20! 30! 40! 50!
- 85 dollars!

286
00:18:08,852 --> 00:18:09,587
Sold!

287
00:18:10,753 --> 00:18:13,927
Next up: Wayne Finster, for the right price.

288
00:18:14,292 --> 00:18:18,927
Has volunteered to read out loud all the
notes his mother puts in his lunch every day.

289
00:18:19,252 --> 00:18:23,516
Five dollars! Ten! 25! 58 dollars and 25 cents!

290
00:18:23,517 --> 00:18:24,216
Sold!

291
00:18:24,722 --> 00:18:32,149
Next item: Our club president, Phillip, has agreed to show the video his
dad took of him crying after he got pulled from the Madison football game.

292
00:18:32,151 --> 00:18:35,138
- 50 dollars! 60! 70! 80!
- Sold!

293
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:43,125
Over 200 dollars in 30 seconds. I think we've
shown what the Booster spirit is really all about.

294
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,438
That is so much money!

295
00:18:51,906 --> 00:18:53,729
We're raising so much money!

296
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:59,260
For an extra 50 dollars, I'll throw in
a picture of me from before fat camp!

297
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:02,321
- In a bikini!
- 50 dollars! 60!

298
00:19:02,525 --> 00:19:05,324
- I also have notes from my shrink!
- 80 bucks! 90!

299
00:19:05,538 --> 00:19:10,732
- And my dad taped me singing "Skater Boy" into a hairbrush!
- 75 bucks! 80! 90!

300
00:19:21,178 --> 00:19:22,659
Our next item up for bid...

301
00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:25,479
is me.

302
00:19:27,537 --> 00:19:32,403
I will let the top bidder cover my mouth
with duct tape every morning for a week.

303
00:19:32,610 --> 00:19:40,341
90! 100! 120! 130! 160! 170!
180! 200! 210! 240! 250!

304
00:19:41,212 --> 00:19:43,030
Well, that was quite an auction.

305
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:45,338
Yeah. This was one of the best nights of my life.

306
00:19:45,587 --> 00:19:47,335
And I actually did something about myself.

307
00:19:47,615 --> 00:19:52,292
I was having this giant conflict about my principles,
but it was really just about my own pride.

308
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:55,307
And all I had to do to fix it is get over myself.

309
00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:58,195
Excuse me.

310
00:20:04,482 --> 00:20:04,948
Hal?

311
00:20:05,527 --> 00:20:08,114
I've changed my mind.
I do believe in heaven.

312
00:20:10,072 --> 00:20:11,261
I knew it!

313
00:20:12,325 --> 00:20:14,623
Oh, I always knew you believed in heaven.

314
00:20:16,801 --> 00:20:18,732
Keep the whistle. I'm good.

315
00:20:23,794 --> 00:20:25,158
Jamie, we need to talk.

316
00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:31,072
I'm calling a truce. I know you're willing
to keep going it gets, and I respect that.

317
00:20:31,714 --> 00:20:37,237
But I realized something. Malcolm and Dewey are
both geniuses, so they're gonna team up against us.

318
00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:40,970
And since you and I are both mentally
the same, we should team up, too.

319
00:20:42,335 --> 00:20:45,953
Otherwise, they're gonna do something horrible to us,
and we probably won't even  understand it.

320
00:20:47,267 --> 00:20:47,966
So...

321
00:20:48,945 --> 00:20:49,854
here.

322
00:20:56,638 --> 00:20:58,596
Hey, thanks.

323
00:21:04,481 --> 00:21:07,000
Reese, what the hell is wrong with you?!

324
00:21:08,537 --> 00:21:09,096
What?