Épisode Copine de régiment S07E08 - Malcolm in the Middle Saison 7

Script VO Brut

* By www.tvsubtitles.net *

1
00:00:03,974 --> 00:00:05,228
God, Jamie.

2
00:00:05,587 --> 00:00:08,187
How in the world did you
get a hold of one of these?

3
00:00:10,846 --> 00:00:14,038
Do you have any idea what could happen
if you play around with one of these?

4
00:00:14,068 --> 00:00:15,766
Look. See?

5
00:00:16,626 --> 00:00:18,053
This isn't a game.

6
00:00:18,108 --> 00:00:19,304
This is not a toy.

7
00:00:24,535 --> 00:00:27,332
Call... your mother!

8
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:36,405
Malcolm in the Middle
7.08 - "Army Buddy"

9
00:00:41,405 --> 00:00:47,405
Synchronisation par Max & Tyno,
Script original par Raceman.

10
00:00:52,405 --> 00:00:58,405
Forom.com, Life-is-Unfair.tk
& Malcolm-France.com

11
00:01:04,871 --> 00:01:06,500
Hi, hon. How was your day?

12
00:01:06,559 --> 00:01:11,711
It is Big Super Crazy Day at
the Lucky Aide. I feel like
I have been hit by a truck.

13
00:01:11,784 --> 00:01:13,289
Oh, here's your herbal tea.

14
00:01:13,654 --> 00:01:16,258
The thing is absolutely
nothing is on sale.

15
00:01:16,658 --> 00:01:20,373
They take all the stuff off
the shelves, dump it in the
bins and the people go nuts.

16
00:01:20,403 --> 00:01:25,053
I dropped my car keys in one
of 'em. I had to wrestle a woman
for 20 minutes to get 'em back.

17
00:01:25,257 --> 00:01:27,274
Oh, God, my neck is killing me.

18
00:01:27,311 --> 00:01:28,001
Got it.

19
00:01:28,136 --> 00:01:32,616
Then this 90-year-old man with glaucoma
comes in. He wants to pay for his
toiletries with a bag full of pennies.

20
00:01:32,646 --> 00:01:33,345
Feet up.

21
00:01:33,491 --> 00:01:37,245
We finally settled on five dollars,
six buttons and a run-over bottle cap.

22
00:01:37,526 --> 00:01:38,283
Feet down.

23
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,590
I swear, Hal, I could hardly
stand up through my shift.

24
00:01:44,624 --> 00:01:48,006
I'm afraid I'm going to have
to break down and buy those
custom orthotics for my shoes.

25
00:01:48,036 --> 00:01:50,904
Dr. Fletcher said I've got the
pronation of a circus clown.

26
00:01:50,934 --> 00:01:53,685
Well, if you need 'em, you need 'em.
That's all there is to it.

27
00:01:53,715 --> 00:01:56,315
That right heel looks like
it could use some pumice.

28
00:01:56,459 --> 00:01:58,109
Hal, what would
I do without you?

29
00:01:58,202 --> 00:02:01,878
I swear I couldn't make it through the
day if you weren't here to pick up the
pieces and put me back together again.

30
00:02:01,908 --> 00:02:05,008
Oh, nonsense, honey. I'm only
doing what any husband would do.

31
00:02:05,064 --> 00:02:06,568
Any husband who cares.

32
00:02:07,403 --> 00:02:07,855
There.

33
00:02:08,189 --> 00:02:08,942
Back in.

34
00:02:09,387 --> 00:02:12,028
Now if you'll lean forward, I'll get
that spot between your shoulder blades.

35
00:02:12,058 --> 00:02:15,058
Actually, that's the one part
of me that doesn't hurt today.

36
00:02:15,411 --> 00:02:16,105
Really?

37
00:02:17,687 --> 00:02:19,529
Did I mention the
washer is out again?

38
00:02:19,559 --> 00:02:20,125
I got it.

39
00:02:24,073 --> 00:02:26,540
It's not fair. You owe me
ten dollars, Malcolm.

40
00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:28,506
You promised to pay
me back a month ago.

41
00:02:28,536 --> 00:02:31,536
Dewey, it seems to me you're
the only one holding onto this.

42
00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:33,115
The rest of us have moved on.

43
00:02:33,145 --> 00:02:34,435
You keep hounding people.

44
00:02:34,518 --> 00:02:37,568
Pretty soon, no one's going to
want to borrow money from you.

45
00:02:38,510 --> 00:02:39,760
He fakes. He fakes again.

46
00:02:39,830 --> 00:02:41,230
A behind-the-back pass to...

47
00:02:44,981 --> 00:02:47,281
Do you get points for
missing your mom's head?

48
00:02:56,112 --> 00:02:57,412
That rim's a little loose.

49
00:02:58,271 --> 00:02:59,680
Mom, how did you do that?

50
00:02:59,734 --> 00:03:00,997
Orthotics, boys.

51
00:03:01,212 --> 00:03:02,512
They can change your life.

52
00:03:03,755 --> 00:03:05,905
Give me a hand with
the groceries, Malcolm.

53
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:07,393
I might as well.

54
00:03:07,882 --> 00:03:10,482
I don't think I'll be playing
basketball ever again.

55
00:03:14,409 --> 00:03:15,359
What the...?

56
00:03:17,763 --> 00:03:22,163
I've been waiting to get
you alone, you miserable,
scum-sucking piece of garbage.

57
00:03:22,345 --> 00:03:24,568
Short Stack, is that you?

58
00:03:27,315 --> 00:03:28,265
I don't believe it!

59
00:03:28,353 --> 00:03:30,600
What the hell are you doing
here, you ugly grub eater?

60
00:03:30,630 --> 00:03:33,525
I had a few days' leave. Thought
I'd spend it with my favorite idiot.

61
00:03:33,555 --> 00:03:34,434
Who's this?

62
00:03:34,599 --> 00:03:36,249
Only my best buddy
from the army.

63
00:03:36,332 --> 00:03:40,565
Remember that story I told about that
girl soldier who went all crybaby when
she got her first care package from home?

64
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,573
Abby's the one that kicked
her ass and made her shut up.

65
00:03:42,603 --> 00:03:44,783
It was what any platoon
leader would have done.

66
00:03:44,813 --> 00:03:46,793
I'm Abby Tucker.
It's nice to meet you.

67
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:48,422
I'm Lois. This is Malcolm.

68
00:03:48,716 --> 00:03:50,240
Oh, right, Pea Pod.

69
00:03:50,513 --> 00:03:51,540
I see what you mean.

70
00:03:51,872 --> 00:03:53,678
So, you're a platoon leader.

71
00:03:53,830 --> 00:03:56,632
It's nice the army let women have
some authority once in a while.

72
00:03:56,662 --> 00:03:59,937
Yes, ma'am... although it does feel
a little weird to give orders to men.

73
00:03:59,967 --> 00:04:00,917
Well, it shouldn't.

74
00:04:01,295 --> 00:04:04,661
Men are like dogs: it calms them down
when they know their boundaries.

75
00:04:04,691 --> 00:04:08,136
Look, if you don't mind, she's
only got a couple free days, and
we've got a ton of catching up to do.

76
00:04:08,166 --> 00:04:08,616
Sure.

77
00:04:18,328 --> 00:04:19,128
I want my money.

78
00:04:19,698 --> 00:04:20,567
I want my money.

79
00:04:20,982 --> 00:04:22,132
I want my money.

80
00:04:22,332 --> 00:04:23,388
I want my money.

81
00:04:23,538 --> 00:04:24,587
I want my money.

82
00:04:24,613 --> 00:04:26,881
Dewey! I heard you
the first 500 times.

83
00:04:26,914 --> 00:04:27,612
Just shut up.

84
00:04:29,924 --> 00:04:31,074
I want my money.

85
00:04:31,257 --> 00:04:32,407
I want my money.

86
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:34,505
-I want my money.
-You know.

87
00:04:34,730 --> 00:04:35,447
You're right.

88
00:04:35,714 --> 00:04:36,933
I wasn't being fair to you.

89
00:04:36,963 --> 00:04:37,914
A deal's a deal.

90
00:04:38,451 --> 00:04:41,601
I've been saving all this stuff
for you for a special occasion.

91
00:04:42,445 --> 00:04:44,201
But today's as
good a day as any.

92
00:04:45,003 --> 00:04:46,019
Happy Dewey day.

93
00:04:46,415 --> 00:04:47,806
You're giving me garbage.

94
00:04:48,396 --> 00:04:51,584
I once lent five bucks to Francis,
and all I got was a double-dip swirly.

95
00:04:51,614 --> 00:04:52,814
Consider yourself lucky.

96
00:04:56,988 --> 00:04:58,426
Hi, honey, sorry I'm late.

97
00:04:58,517 --> 00:05:02,270
I had to stop by and pick up
this puppy on my way home.

98
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:07,069
Why don't you rub yourself up
against this for a while, while
I get your foot bath ready.

99
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:12,000
I'm making a small adjustment on
the pH, which I think you're going
to find especially refreshing.

100
00:05:12,023 --> 00:05:14,435
Hal, you can forget about all that.

101
00:05:14,441 --> 00:05:16,479
I wore my new orthotics today.

102
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,079
See?

103
00:05:18,425 --> 00:05:20,046
It was miraculous.

104
00:05:20,351 --> 00:05:23,110
All the pain and tension
disappeared everywhere.

105
00:05:23,291 --> 00:05:28,710
It was like once my feet were properly
supported, the rest of my body fell in
line like a family of ducks.

106
00:05:29,001 --> 00:05:30,771
Well, how about that?

107
00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:34,977
So, I guess Crazy Days have
quieted down a little, huh?

108
00:05:34,978 --> 00:05:38,740
Are you kidding? Today we started
After Crazy Day Sale. It was wild.

109
00:05:38,798 --> 00:05:41,717
And wouldn't you know, the old
blind guy with the pennies was back.

110
00:05:41,747 --> 00:05:44,576
He has the most delightful
stories about his health.

111
00:05:44,838 --> 00:05:47,926
Did you know that men
can get yeast infections?

112
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:48,832
Imagine that.

113
00:05:49,010 --> 00:05:52,124
So, honey, you can put all
that paraphernalia away.
I don't need it anymore.

114
00:05:52,154 --> 00:05:53,058
Isn't that wonderful?

115
00:05:53,088 --> 00:05:55,149
Yeah. I couldn't be happier, hon.

116
00:05:57,596 --> 00:05:58,679
Shut up.

117
00:06:01,469 --> 00:06:04,128
Are you absolutely sure you don't
want to sleep inside tonight?

118
00:06:04,158 --> 00:06:06,134
Ma'am, your backyard
is more than adequate.

119
00:06:06,164 --> 00:06:08,838
Oh, and you folks don't have to
worry about that possum any longer.

120
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,470
Oh, well, thanks.

121
00:06:11,699 --> 00:06:14,449
I have to confess, I'm a great
admirer of yours, ma'am.

122
00:06:14,650 --> 00:06:15,190
Me?

123
00:06:15,387 --> 00:06:16,462
Yes, ma'am.

124
00:06:16,838 --> 00:06:18,984
Reese told me so many
amazing stories about you.

125
00:06:19,014 --> 00:06:22,514
Is it true you once made him
cut the front lawn with a pair
of manicure scissors?

126
00:06:22,544 --> 00:06:24,304
I can't take all the credit for that.

127
00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:27,434
After all, he was the one who
didn't refill the ice cube tray.

128
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,138
Malcolm, Reese,
get the lead out!

129
00:06:40,595 --> 00:06:42,078
Say it, or I'll lick your ear!

130
00:06:42,108 --> 00:06:45,158
I'm a worthless sack of pus,
and I will always be your bitch!

131
00:06:46,393 --> 00:06:49,827
You know it's true, but it's still
nice to hear once in a while.

132
00:06:50,628 --> 00:06:51,877
So, is the latrine free?

133
00:06:52,235 --> 00:06:53,423
I think Dewey's still using it.

134
00:06:53,453 --> 00:06:54,912
That's okay. I dug my own.

135
00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:00,616
So when are you guys going to
hook up and get it over with?

136
00:07:00,646 --> 00:07:02,412
What? What are you talking about?

137
00:07:02,438 --> 00:07:03,296
Oh, come on.

138
00:07:03,497 --> 00:07:06,447
Every time I turn around,
she's got her hands all over you.

139
00:07:06,478 --> 00:07:07,878
She clearly digs you, dude.

140
00:07:07,958 --> 00:07:09,019
You take that back.

141
00:07:09,605 --> 00:07:10,605
What's your problem?

142
00:07:10,757 --> 00:07:14,277
I mean, I wouldn't turn my back on
her, but I think she's kind of hot.

143
00:07:14,414 --> 00:07:15,193
No, she isn't.

144
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:16,905
Buddies can't be hot.

145
00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:18,813
I don't believe you.

146
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,485
The best friend I ever had wakes
me up in the middle of the night,

147
00:07:21,515 --> 00:07:25,215
gives me a stinging face fart, and you
go and turn it into something ugly!

148
00:07:28,371 --> 00:07:30,037
I sold those comics you gave me.

149
00:07:30,243 --> 00:07:31,640
Turns out they're pretty crappy.

150
00:07:31,670 --> 00:07:32,982
Dewey, we're done with this.

151
00:07:33,012 --> 00:07:36,573
In fact, Captain Danger
243 even had a misprint.

152
00:07:37,154 --> 00:07:40,081
Funny how people in the comic world
are very interested in misprints.

153
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:45,161
Especially when there's only five such
copies in existence, and Quentin
Tarantino has the other four.

154
00:07:45,543 --> 00:07:46,893
What are you talking about?

155
00:07:47,218 --> 00:07:49,632
Is it hot in here,
or is just money?

156
00:07:50,091 --> 00:07:51,943
Oh, my God, this is fantastic!

157
00:07:52,174 --> 00:07:54,267
Who knew we were sitting
on such a gold mine here?

158
00:07:54,297 --> 00:07:55,999
We? I don't think so.

159
00:07:57,239 --> 00:08:00,709
Dewey... you didn't think the whole
garbage thing was for real, did you?

160
00:08:00,739 --> 00:08:03,856
You told me I should be happy with
what you gave me, and I have to say...

161
00:08:03,886 --> 00:08:06,525
I am. Here's 20 bucks.
Make yourself scarce.

162
00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:10,531
What? This is my room. You can't
buy me out of here for 20 bucks.

163
00:08:10,998 --> 00:08:12,787
-Here's $40.
-Forget it! I'm not...

164
00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:13,944
Okay.

165
00:08:17,709 --> 00:08:21,056
I'll be damned if I'm gonna call that
washing machine repairman again.

166
00:08:21,086 --> 00:08:25,441
I could only find the Japanese
version of the manual, but
I think I get the gist of it.

167
00:08:25,517 --> 00:08:27,017
It's all taken care of, honey.

168
00:08:27,282 --> 00:08:28,330
What? What do you mean?

169
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,830
After dinner, I felt so energized,
I thought I'd take a look.

170
00:08:30,860 --> 00:08:34,038
Turns out one of Jamie's toys was jammed
between the drum and the housing.

171
00:08:34,068 --> 00:08:37,568
Isn't that wonderful I don't have to
bother you with all this anymore?

172
00:08:45,537 --> 00:08:47,408
Well, that's strange.

173
00:08:47,532 --> 00:08:48,336
What's that, dear?

174
00:08:48,366 --> 00:08:51,728
My orthotics they were right here in
my shoes. I left them there last night.

175
00:08:51,758 --> 00:08:52,716
Where could they be?

176
00:08:52,746 --> 00:08:54,651
Beats me... unless...

177
00:08:54,786 --> 00:08:55,668
Wait a minute.

178
00:08:56,396 --> 00:08:57,496
Oh, for the love of...

179
00:08:57,726 --> 00:08:58,961
that darn kid!

180
00:08:59,152 --> 00:08:59,597
Who?

181
00:08:59,697 --> 00:09:02,884
Jamie. See, there's a little piece of
jelly on the back of the shoe see that?

182
00:09:02,914 --> 00:09:05,452
We have to face it, Lois:
we are raising a klepto.

183
00:09:05,584 --> 00:09:07,196
What would he want
with my orthotics?

184
00:09:07,226 --> 00:09:07,906
Who knows?

185
00:09:07,942 --> 00:09:09,642
Yesterday, he took
the last donut.

186
00:09:10,166 --> 00:09:13,230
Well... I doubt we'll ever
see those orthotics again.

187
00:09:13,513 --> 00:09:15,976
Oh, and just when you
were feeling so good.

188
00:09:16,382 --> 00:09:20,164
Oh! Why, God, why does
this always happen to us?

189
00:09:20,736 --> 00:09:22,662
Why can't we just
once catch a break?

190
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:26,068
You did have them.

191
00:09:28,218 --> 00:09:31,518
Why are they covered in dirt?
Did you bury them, you little devil?

192
00:09:33,293 --> 00:09:34,721
Isn't he a clever kid?

193
00:09:40,424 --> 00:09:46,624
Well, thanks again for the company, although
I still don't know what you find so fascinating
about my job at the Lucky Aide.

194
00:09:46,938 --> 00:09:47,971
Are you kidding?

195
00:09:48,201 --> 00:09:51,851
The way you handled that unruly mob
without once firing over their heads.

196
00:09:51,982 --> 00:09:53,198
You are incredible.

197
00:09:58,362 --> 00:10:00,112
So you want to do
some buddy stuff.

198
00:10:00,293 --> 00:10:01,893
You know, wrestle,
horse around.

199
00:10:01,924 --> 00:10:03,727
No funny business,
no strings attached.

200
00:10:03,757 --> 00:10:04,307
Yeah, sure.

201
00:10:04,391 --> 00:10:05,491
Just give me a second.

202
00:10:06,374 --> 00:10:07,407
What are you doing that for?

203
00:10:07,437 --> 00:10:09,837
My lips are a little bit chapped.
You want some?

204
00:10:11,314 --> 00:10:12,414
What else did you buy?

205
00:10:12,434 --> 00:10:14,957
Shampoo and nail files,
some Q-tips. Why?

206
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,790
You don't have to
get all fem on me!

207
00:10:16,802 --> 00:10:18,263
What's the matter, big dog?

208
00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:20,210
Afraid I can't take you anymore?

209
00:10:21,097 --> 00:10:22,119
What's wrong, Reese?

210
00:10:22,507 --> 00:10:24,257
We have to get some
stuff out in the open.

211
00:10:24,287 --> 00:10:29,937
Punch me if I'm wrong, but there's
something in the air around here that
smells a whole lot more than friendship.

212
00:10:30,554 --> 00:10:32,674
God, am I that obvious?

213
00:10:32,814 --> 00:10:33,738
So it's true?

214
00:10:33,806 --> 00:10:35,335
Don't be mad, Reese.

215
00:10:35,383 --> 00:10:37,765
I swear I did not intend
for this to happen.

216
00:10:37,963 --> 00:10:41,363
It's just a silly schoolgirl crush,
and I know it won't go anywhere.

217
00:10:41,885 --> 00:10:42,885
I'm sorry.

218
00:10:42,966 --> 00:10:45,666
The last thing I want to do
is make you uncomfortable.

219
00:10:46,357 --> 00:10:48,207
Am I making you
uncomfortable, Reese?

220
00:10:48,389 --> 00:10:50,200
No, it's cool.

221
00:10:50,622 --> 00:10:52,022
It's nothing I can't handle.

222
00:10:52,890 --> 00:10:53,719
That's good.

223
00:11:03,186 --> 00:11:04,738
I need someone to dry.

224
00:11:04,793 --> 00:11:05,777
Yes, ma'am.

225
00:11:06,947 --> 00:11:10,152
Damn! I never should have let
her see me in my bike shorts.

226
00:11:18,791 --> 00:11:19,495
Hold it.

227
00:11:20,818 --> 00:11:22,118
You're not going anywhere.

228
00:11:23,881 --> 00:11:25,153
You don't even like this show.

229
00:11:25,183 --> 00:11:27,333
What's more important is,
you don't either.

230
00:11:29,006 --> 00:11:31,172
Oh, good, a sing-a-long.

231
00:11:31,889 --> 00:11:32,930
Nice and loud now.

232
00:11:35,885 --> 00:11:40,705
Have I told you how much
I love my orthotics?

233
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,774
Yes. You made up a little song
about them at dinner, remember?

234
00:11:45,811 --> 00:11:46,912
Are you coming to bed?

235
00:11:47,393 --> 00:11:48,070
Oh, I can't.

236
00:11:48,134 --> 00:11:49,287
I'm just too up to sleep.

237
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:52,311
Well, if you're really looking
to release some tension,

238
00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:54,630
I guess there's something
I could do for you.

239
00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:57,459
If you ask nicely.

240
00:11:57,499 --> 00:12:00,141
Hal, you are sweet, but I'm
going to take a rain check.

241
00:12:00,171 --> 00:12:02,327
I'm jogging on down to the
high school to run a few laps.

242
00:12:02,357 --> 00:12:04,357
Hold these while
I get my running shoes.

243
00:12:40,356 --> 00:12:41,156
Okay, you're done.

244
00:12:41,186 --> 00:12:42,836
The school day's
officially over.

245
00:12:46,272 --> 00:12:48,343
This was worth way more than $45.

246
00:12:49,051 --> 00:12:50,351
You know, I have to agree.

247
00:12:50,963 --> 00:12:54,541
So tomorrow we'll go with
Mom's earrings and something
that shows off your figure.

248
00:12:54,571 --> 00:12:55,607
No, I'm done with this.

249
00:12:55,637 --> 00:12:58,940
I'm not going to humiliate
myself anymore for money
that's rightfully mine.

250
00:12:58,970 --> 00:13:00,473
Then you'll never know how
much you could have had.

251
00:13:00,503 --> 00:13:02,003
Trust me, I really don't care.

252
00:13:02,136 --> 00:13:02,803
Not at all?

253
00:13:02,903 --> 00:13:03,345
No.

254
00:13:03,836 --> 00:13:05,486
Not even to the nearest thousand?

255
00:13:07,097 --> 00:13:07,788
Thousand?

256
00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:10,321
Nah, you're right.
This is getting kind of boring.

257
00:13:10,351 --> 00:13:12,217
I'm sure I can find some
other way to torment you.

258
00:13:12,247 --> 00:13:12,944
No! No!

259
00:13:13,327 --> 00:13:14,299
This is working out great.

260
00:13:14,329 --> 00:13:16,107
Look, I'm even breaking out in hives.

261
00:13:16,137 --> 00:13:17,707
You don't want to throw that away.

262
00:13:17,737 --> 00:13:20,888
I got it. How about I go walking
through the mall tomorrow...

263
00:13:21,185 --> 00:13:22,877
wearing swim fins and goggles.

264
00:13:23,910 --> 00:13:24,671
We'll see.

265
00:13:33,308 --> 00:13:34,429
How long have you been here?

266
00:13:34,459 --> 00:13:35,435
Since last night.

267
00:13:35,762 --> 00:13:38,173
To be honest, I'm a little hurt
that no one seemed to miss me.

268
00:13:38,203 --> 00:13:39,116
Is this about Abby?

269
00:13:39,146 --> 00:13:40,243
You were right, Malcolm.

270
00:13:40,273 --> 00:13:41,375
She wants me bad.

271
00:13:41,831 --> 00:13:42,979
This is a disaster.

272
00:13:43,032 --> 00:13:43,542
Why?

273
00:13:44,254 --> 00:13:46,125
You've got a girl
that's crazy about you.

274
00:13:46,155 --> 00:13:47,293
But it's just wrong.

275
00:13:47,396 --> 00:13:48,401
She's my buddy.

276
00:13:48,698 --> 00:13:50,198
The best friend I've ever had.

277
00:13:50,904 --> 00:13:53,340
But in a roll around the floor and
make her smell my armpit kind of way.

278
00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:55,370
Everyone has their
own kind of foreplay.

279
00:13:55,862 --> 00:13:58,237
The important thing now is
how you feel about her.

280
00:13:58,267 --> 00:13:59,117
It's hard to say.

281
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:01,884
Now when I think about her,
I get all nervous in my stomach.

282
00:14:01,914 --> 00:14:04,164
Like my bowels could
cut loose at any moment.

283
00:14:04,576 --> 00:14:05,476
That's love, dude.

284
00:14:07,938 --> 00:14:09,981
You'd think somebody
would put that in a song.

285
00:14:10,011 --> 00:14:13,511
Listen, I know we've
had our differences,
but I say this as a brother.

286
00:14:13,945 --> 00:14:15,445
You're not that great a catch.

287
00:14:15,489 --> 00:14:17,826
This girl might be the
best shot you'll ever get.

288
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:20,085
You need to suck it up and at
least tell her how you feel.

289
00:14:20,115 --> 00:14:22,615
Otherwise, you might end
up looking like an idiot.

290
00:14:23,811 --> 00:14:26,211
Do we still have the skirt
that goes with these?

291
00:14:31,668 --> 00:14:35,699
Who's the lamebrain who left
the trash cans in the middle
of the driveway?!

292
00:14:35,729 --> 00:14:36,154
Yes!

293
00:14:40,315 --> 00:14:41,839
I hate these things.

294
00:14:41,971 --> 00:14:43,817
Oh, honey, what happened?

295
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:47,615
I was standing at my cash
register putting up these
cute little butterfly decals,

296
00:14:47,645 --> 00:14:50,747
when suddenly, I got the most
excruciating cramp in my leg.

297
00:14:51,078 --> 00:14:55,176
It was like that time Francis
chomped down on me, only
I couldn't turn the hose on it.

298
00:14:55,206 --> 00:14:59,017
You know, if they're going to fix
one problem and just cause another,
I don't want any part of them.

299
00:14:59,047 --> 00:15:00,191
Why don't I get the footbath ready?

300
00:15:00,221 --> 00:15:04,213
It's my own damn fault for
thinking there was a magic
pill to give me my life back.

301
00:15:04,243 --> 00:15:06,214
I should have known it
was too good to be true.

302
00:15:06,244 --> 00:15:07,507
You can't trust the banks.

303
00:15:07,537 --> 00:15:08,677
You can't trust your own kids.

304
00:15:08,707 --> 00:15:11,385
And you obviously
cannot trust doctors.

305
00:15:12,124 --> 00:15:17,022
God, Hal, you're the only person
I still have to believe in. I'm so
happy I can still trust you.

306
00:15:18,904 --> 00:15:21,462
Oh. Sorry. I was...
looking for Reese.

307
00:15:21,489 --> 00:15:24,789
Well, if the refrigerator door
isn't open, he's probably not home.

308
00:15:24,938 --> 00:15:25,980
Hal, get rid of these.

309
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:27,212
I'm gonna try to walk it off.

310
00:15:27,242 --> 00:15:28,945
Well, honey, you know,
it may not be all their fault.

311
00:15:28,975 --> 00:15:30,040
I've made up my mind.

312
00:15:30,376 --> 00:15:31,932
I do not want them anymore.

313
00:15:34,839 --> 00:15:37,733
Looks like a mild strain
of the gastrocnemius.

314
00:15:37,997 --> 00:15:40,047
Used to see it all
the time in boot camp.

315
00:15:40,422 --> 00:15:42,628
Uh, you might want to try
massaging that muscle.

316
00:15:42,658 --> 00:15:43,466
You think so?

317
00:15:44,056 --> 00:15:45,856
Well, I'd be happy
to do it for you.

318
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:46,971
Oh, would you?

319
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,280
Abby, that would be great.

320
00:15:51,736 --> 00:15:52,447
Go ahead.

321
00:15:52,723 --> 00:15:53,522
Don't be timid.

322
00:15:56,241 --> 00:15:57,918
No, really... dig in.

323
00:15:59,241 --> 00:16:01,173
Oh, yeah!

324
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:04,057
Oh, God, that's the spot.

325
00:16:08,194 --> 00:16:09,885
Oh, yes.

326
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:11,762
Yes.

327
00:16:12,956 --> 00:16:13,940
Don't stop.

328
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:15,963
That's it.

329
00:16:17,427 --> 00:16:18,681
That's a little high.

330
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:22,502
I'm sorry.

331
00:16:22,506 --> 00:16:23,980
Did you just make a pass at me?

332
00:16:24,010 --> 00:16:25,124
Ma'am, forgive me.

333
00:16:25,292 --> 00:16:30,946
Oh, no, no, no, it's not that I'm not flattered,
but I'm the mother of, like, five children.
I've been married for 100 years.

334
00:16:30,976 --> 00:16:32,451
-Why would you think...?
-I was wrong, ma'am.

335
00:16:32,481 --> 00:16:33,581
I was way out of line.

336
00:16:33,988 --> 00:16:35,588
Do I give off that
kind of vibe?

337
00:16:35,616 --> 00:16:39,683
Because I would hate to think
people are walking around with
me giving them false hopes.

338
00:16:39,713 --> 00:16:41,059
Would it help if
I changed my hair?

339
00:16:41,089 --> 00:16:42,789
-Ma'am, I really have to go.
-Sure.

340
00:16:43,688 --> 00:16:44,967
Don't beat yourself up.

341
00:16:45,054 --> 00:16:48,214
I'm sure there are many women
who find you very attractive.

342
00:16:55,762 --> 00:16:56,962
Don't forget the cherry.

343
00:16:59,276 --> 00:17:00,274
There. Happy?

344
00:17:01,761 --> 00:17:03,938
In truth, it was better conceptually.

345
00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:05,511
Just give me my money
and leave me alone.

346
00:17:05,541 --> 00:17:07,301
Tough words for a human sundae.

347
00:17:10,031 --> 00:17:10,881
What do you know?

348
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,088
That's the last of it.

349
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,132
Really? That's the last of it?

350
00:17:14,378 --> 00:17:15,255
So it appears.

351
00:17:16,223 --> 00:17:17,955
Aha! Who looks like
the idiot now, huh?

352
00:17:17,985 --> 00:17:22,264
I've got all the money all $148 of it,
and what do you have, little man?

353
00:17:22,402 --> 00:17:23,058
Nothing!

354
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,330
Except my self-respect,
but it's hard to put a price on that.

355
00:17:27,535 --> 00:17:29,151
Wait, maybe I can.

356
00:17:36,432 --> 00:17:38,552
I have a surprise for you
in the garage. - Reese.

357
00:17:43,222 --> 00:17:43,689
Reese?

358
00:17:44,661 --> 00:17:45,394
You in here?

359
00:17:46,110 --> 00:17:47,710
I have a present for you.

360
00:17:48,662 --> 00:17:49,292
What?

361
00:17:49,927 --> 00:17:52,844
Something I've never given
another girl in my entire life.

362
00:17:52,874 --> 00:17:54,174
I hope you like it.

363
00:17:57,887 --> 00:17:59,080
Reese, what the...?

364
00:18:01,688 --> 00:18:02,912
Oh my God, you tied a bow.

365
00:18:02,942 --> 00:18:04,621
I'm giving you my innocence.

366
00:18:05,358 --> 00:18:06,958
I've saved myself for you, Abby.

367
00:18:07,581 --> 00:18:09,381
-Let's not wait any longer.
-I'm gay.

368
00:18:10,221 --> 00:18:10,679
What?!

369
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:11,492
I like women.

370
00:18:11,615 --> 00:18:12,306
Are you kidding?

371
00:18:12,336 --> 00:18:13,681
No. I thought you knew.

372
00:18:17,083 --> 00:18:18,133
You dropped your bow.

373
00:18:23,004 --> 00:18:25,704
So, you don't think I'm
attractive, not even a little?

374
00:18:26,212 --> 00:18:29,326
Look, uh, maybe if you were
the last person on earth,

375
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:32,904
or we were trapped on a desert
island, and you had surgery...

376
00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:36,188
Nope. You're still dog meat.

377
00:18:37,603 --> 00:18:38,842
This is fantastic!

378
00:18:38,946 --> 00:18:39,946
We're buddies again!

379
00:18:39,992 --> 00:18:41,692
We're right back
where we started!

380
00:18:42,763 --> 00:18:43,465
Wait a minute.

381
00:18:45,115 --> 00:18:47,915
But If I'm not the girl you're
hung up on around here...

382
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:50,368
Oh, my God.

383
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:51,830
Oh, my God!

384
00:18:51,834 --> 00:18:54,884
-Reese, it was just a stupid...
-Big Gloria, the meter reader?

385
00:18:55,614 --> 00:18:56,270
Yes.

386
00:18:56,912 --> 00:18:58,512
Yes. There was an
awkward scene.

387
00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:01,299
It turns out she's taken,
but that's not why I'm leaving.

388
00:19:01,329 --> 00:19:03,393
May not be seeing you
for a while, Big Dog.

389
00:19:03,423 --> 00:19:04,773
So, this really is it then?

390
00:19:05,465 --> 00:19:07,115
You take care of
yourself, Reese.

391
00:19:07,341 --> 00:19:09,041
You're a great guy,
you know that?

392
00:19:09,164 --> 00:19:10,264
You're more than that.

393
00:19:11,469 --> 00:19:13,319
You're the best friend I've ever had.

394
00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:21,019
I'll miss you, too, buddy.

395
00:19:23,616 --> 00:19:27,798
A little more, and you
will be just like new.

396
00:19:31,272 --> 00:19:33,822
All I got to say is that
you better be good to her.

397
00:19:34,766 --> 00:19:37,324
Oh! Sweet mother of God!

398
00:19:38,317 --> 00:19:40,071
You home wrecker!

399
00:19:40,082 --> 00:19:42,101
Hal, what are you doing?

400
00:19:43,759 --> 00:19:45,010
Saving our marriage!

401
00:19:45,233 --> 00:19:45,707
What?!

402
00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:47,830
I was... I was...

403
00:19:47,952 --> 00:19:51,752
I was trying to put your orthotics back
together the way they were, but I...

404
00:19:51,915 --> 00:19:53,669
There's only so much
I can take, Lois.

405
00:19:53,699 --> 00:19:56,113
At some point,
a man has to take a stand.

406
00:19:56,347 --> 00:19:58,579
What do you mean,
put them back the way they were?

407
00:19:58,609 --> 00:20:00,576
Did you do something
to my orthotics?

408
00:20:01,090 --> 00:20:02,724
Yes, and I'd do it again.

409
00:20:02,812 --> 00:20:04,234
-Why?!
-Because...

410
00:20:07,228 --> 00:20:09,917
Because I miss the old you.

411
00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:16,897
I missed the Lois who would come
home racked with pain and tension
and snarling like a rabid bobcat.

412
00:20:16,987 --> 00:20:19,721
That Lois needed me to
make her feel better.

413
00:20:20,870 --> 00:20:21,972
Oh, Hal.

414
00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:23,782
So, now you know.

415
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,915
Now you can go
out and get new...

416
00:20:26,535 --> 00:20:29,372
orthotics, and I'll just
try to stay out of your way.

417
00:20:29,956 --> 00:20:32,414
Hal, you are being ridiculous.

418
00:20:32,551 --> 00:20:34,896
These things are not
gonna replace you.

419
00:20:35,439 --> 00:20:38,274
Remember that time I got that
nonstick German waffle iron?

420
00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:41,013
I was walking on air for weeks,
but it didn't last.

421
00:20:41,253 --> 00:20:41,735
True.

422
00:20:41,870 --> 00:20:44,060
Remember when our
kids made us happy?

423
00:20:44,091 --> 00:20:46,604
Oh, well, we were both
just being stupid there.

424
00:20:47,107 --> 00:20:50,735
But the point is, something's
always gonna come up.

425
00:20:51,232 --> 00:20:52,706
I'll be miserable again.

426
00:20:55,063 --> 00:20:55,758
You promise?

427
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:57,026
Of course.

428
00:21:01,875 --> 00:21:02,415
Come on.

429
00:21:04,394 --> 00:21:06,703
Now, I am gonna get
another pair, Hal.

430
00:21:06,977 --> 00:21:08,937
Fine, but I don't want
to know about 'em.

431
00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:10,531
And keep them out
of our bedroom.